Surely Goodness and Mercy

In an amazing sermon message today. God reminded me that it was not me that found Him, but Him that found me. And not just found me in a haphazard manner, like how we would would find a pair of black socks tucked in the corner of the drawer. "Oh, there they are! I will just put them with the other half dozen pairs of black socks I own. Now, where are those tan tights?"

Oh,no, the word is "radaph", which is Hebrew for "hunt down and find" and then, after finding, to follow with a doggedness that will not let go.

What a relief! What freedom! That instead of us having to worry about straying, or sticking by God, and the myriad of things we have invented for ourselves to do (Read bible, pray, fast, aargh I forgot, that's it! I have to start over!), God is actually the one who is seeking us out - constantly and commitedly.

What an awesome God!

Surely goodness and mercy will follow (Radaph) me all the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

Starbucks-CityHall-Christmas

Cityhall Starbucks-people watching-everyone-waiting for someone-dates-firstdates-blinddates-datingagency?-maybe marriage broker-printed page with photos-profiles.

E-bay businessman - meeting place - 4 clients - good day?

Kids Studying - execs working on laptop - friends meeting - Salvo girls with red pot - bells ringing - are you listening - Live music - sponsored by Mastercard - people shopping - waiting - watching - laughing.

Starbucks City Hall - is noone there for the coffee?

Rain- misted doors - fairylights -looks like Christmas - crowds everywhere - train crowds, office crowd - dinner crowd - drinks crowd- date crowd. Oxymoron? - Husbands - wives - kids - maids - celebration of life - reflection of Christ?

In the midst - chaos and order - me- Waiting- watching- Hoping- To be done soon - 1/2 dozen donuts in the bag - to eat with my boy at home - Still waiting - Still watching.

Phone beeps- message- sorry - held up- can't make it - how about Sunday? Suddenly weary- slightly peeved - remember donuts- get up with purpose - goodby Starbucks - home.

Movie Review - This is it

"Don't worry ma'am, we have plenty of tickets for the 2:00pm show"

I could not hide my shock and disbelief when the girl at the counter said those words to me. Plenty of tickets to "This is it"? 3 days after it opened worldwide? How can this be?

Maybe it was an odd time. People usually have plans at 2pm on a Sunday and movie watching isn't one of them right? Right?

Anyway, H and I had a great time, sitting in the almost empty theatre, grooving, singing along and dancing in our seats with the man himself.

Michael Jackson. From my very first MJ album (Off the Wall on casette tape, tyvm), I have been a fan. Of his music, his style, his dancing, his quirky sense of humour. I think in a another place and time, Michael and I could have been really good friends.

I was blown away by the man's musical genius. The way he knew his music, the way he got the musicians to get to where he needed, and mostly, the humble, direct and straightforward way he put across his ideas was amazing to watch. It was evident from the movie his dancers, musicians, tecnicians et al absolutely loved this guy.

Just watching the way he was around these people, full of life, energy and hope, it is heartbreaking to know he is no more. I had to hold back tears quite a few times, when it hit me that he would never see the dreams he had for this concert come to pass. That none of them did. The guy who was supposed to stand in the back with a flashlight for Michael after "Smooth Criminal" never got his gig.

But I am glad that Michael was allowed to show us all this side of him. His spirit of excellence, the exactness he extracted from performances. Anyone in the stage business needs to learn that from him.

I loved the movie, but mostly I loved Michael. Rest in peace, man. Rest in peace.

Raising a man

I completely identify with Renee Zellweger's character in Jerry McGuire, when she told her sister that while her friends ar trying to find a man, keep a man, she was trying to raise a man. I feel you, sista.

I don't know how to find the right motivation button to press that will turn Hanan into the responsible, conscientious and hardworking man that I know he can be. Until then, I am left with the stubborn, careless pre-teen with a major chip on his shoulder.

I don't know how much of this is hormones. My colleague tried to convince me that boys are naturally lazy, but they will find a way to turn out alright later. I am hard-pressed to buy that. I am sure there are boys who are well-adjusted human beings who are also good with everyday tasks like schoolwork.

Maybe I should just rear fish.


If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him James 1:5

I guess I need to seek wisdom in this matter. Obviously, I don't know what I am doing or I will do it better.

How can 2 walk together, except they agree?

This has been the theme recently in almost all aspects of my life - work, marriage, motherhood, daughterhood and friendship.

Being with someone in any relationship will involve being in some kind of agreement about basic things as well as deep spiritual stuff. And when that doesn't exist, what you have is resentment, anger, strife and disappointment.

How to agree?
By being submissive to another's will - this is easier said that done for me. I am known for my mule-like stubborness.

By negotiating a "agree to disagree" scenario - not always ideal and can't have too many of these in a relationship.

Persuasive dialogue - talk someone around to see and accept your point of view (My personal favourite :) heh heh)

By building the basic foundation of the relationship together, so there are agreed upon values which will not flounder when the load on them gets too heavy at times.

I think God uses all of these to build a relationship with us. He submitted to death on the cross to remove the division between us, allowed us to give up some of his laws regarding diet, war and non-beleivers, talked to us through the gentle voice of Jesus Christ and then his disciples to help us see his view and put in place his commandments as a shared set of values for us to enjoy building His kingdom with him.

Agreeing with each other is not as impossible as it looks. As beleivers especially, half the work is already done for us.

What I learnt in the last 5 days

1) God is real.
2) He is my Champion.
3) He is always for me, and because he is, who can be against me?
4) He is my provider. Not my job, not my work, not my employer. He alone.
5) He protects me from the fowler's snare
6) I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And he plans to prosper me.
7) That every groan, every sigh reaches him.
8) That every injustice is recorded and vengeance is His and His alone.
9) The the world is a vale of tears, but God has called us into His own.
10) That I will no matter how broken I am, I still live in the house of the Lord.

Random Update

It has been a few days since the end of hell week, where there were 4 major projects to complete. In the lull, I have been working on getting head screwed on right again, while preparing for the next wave of busyness, which is coming soon, I am sure.

Change is a recurring subject for this blog, because there is such alot of it in my life, I guess. Very soon, there will be changes at work, and I will trying to exact changes in my personal life as well. Limbo is not really my thing.

*****

Hanan's streaming exams are literally around the corner, and we have to get cracker-lacking! His Tamil is a big worry, not so much that he has to pass this exam, but rather, what if he does and can't handle it at P5 and PSLE? Am I needlessly torturing my child? While its fine to promote mother tongue education and all, there really should be other alternatives.

Sigh.

*****

Really looking forward to my trip to HK in Oct. This will my first time to this land that many people think Singapore is a part of. More than anything, I think I am looking forward to the break. From work, from home, from responsibilities and expectations. And also from the fair shores of Singapore, which I have not left since .... I can't remember when. The timing is a bit sucky, right before exam fever, but still...


*****
Went to watch The Proposal on Monday. Been ages since I saw a decent rom-com, so I really enjoyed it. Its amazing how Sandra Bullock still looks so hot. And the role suited her to a T, even though she doesn't really play strong woman characters. Go Sandra Bee! Ryan Reynolds is a bit of a hottie too, although I didn't exactly see a wide enough range of emotions in this movie to be able to tell anything about his acting ability.

*****

And that's it.

10 years

This day, ten years ago, at 9:27 am, my life changed.

I now had another person to take care of. Of me and yet independant of me. Mine and yet, not quite. Of more worth than silver of gold, and yet just a bundle of wrinkly flesh. And good lungs.

What people said:
- He is so perfect
- You are so blessed
- He is going to be a wonderful being
- He will bring you joys you didn't know about

What they didn't say
- You will never sleep again
- Your body will never get over it
- You will find out the most wonderful and most evil things about yourself
- You will feel sorrow about things that didn't matter before

They were right. But so were the unspoken words.

One thing I do know. I wouldn't change it for the world. He is my only arrow in my quiver, but he would be the one I want next to me, come what may.

He is my baby, my son, my kid, my joy, my trial and my greatest blessing.

Happy birthday son!