What is love?

I once heard a wise man say, "Love is an act of will, accompanied by emotion, that acts towards the benefit of its intended recipient." It is by far the best definition on the word I have heard.

It is also a concept a lot of people in my generation don't seem to get. They talk about things like, "my feelings have changed", or "I am not sure if you are the right one." Or even worse, "If it's meant to be, it will be."

People, don't fall for the hogwash. Love is not "Sleepless in Seattle" or "You've got Mail" or any of those feel good emotions that Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan got paid millions to propogate. We are not brainless beings, driven by our desires alone, in a wilderness where there are so many options, your head spins and you can't be responsible for your actions anymore.

I have feelings for people on a weekly basis. If everytime it happened, I told my husband, "My feelings have changed, and I don't think I love you anymore", I would be on my 416th marriage by now. But love is not about how you feel. It's about the choices you make, everyday. Choosing to stick by someone, even when he/ she is not particularly lovable at the moment. And noone is lovable all the time. We all have moments when we make mistakes, small or big, and need forgiveness. Noone is exempt.

But then we say," How am I supposed to know what love is?" Everything we see gives us the impression that love is unchanging feeling, unwavering desire, unevolving characters in a 2 hour life that ends with a crescendo of music and a star studded night. I am not saying it is solely the media's fault, but the pervasiveness of TV and film have made us beleive that the things we see are actually true.

I also idealised love growing up. Who didn't? We all wanted this person who would be like the somebody in the Depeche Mode song. We bought the myth, hook, line and sinker, and now are paying for it with more divorces, more single parents and more broken homes than we have ever seen.

But now I know better, because I have seen what love is.

Love is a man, torn by fear of his own life, the disappointment of his friends and family, and the destruction of what he had built, saying, "I don't particularly feel like laying down my life, but if that's Your will, then I will myself to do it."

Love is a man who was so emotionally driven by his choice, he cried out, alone in a garden, and was under so much stress, that his capillaries burst and blood flowed down his face mingled with sweat.

Love is a man, who bore the lashes of a whip so cruel, nails so sharp and a pain in his heart so deep, and yet kept himself on a cross for 6 hours, so that his intended will one day, be free.

That is love. That is going the distance, keeping the faith, finishing the race, and whatever other analogy you want to find for it. But that should be what we teach our children when they ask what love is.

This post is for a dear friend who is hurting and asked this question. We are all unfaithful lovers. There is only One who can teach it right. Learn it from Him.