Good Friday

This is an open invitation to anyone who reads my blog. We have a really good musical segment planned and I think it will be an awesome experience.

Secondary School Reunions

There is a secondary school reunion coming up and I am a bit nervous about going. I haven't seen these people since 1989, when we graduated and from the email exchanges that we have had, I am not sure its a good idea.

OK, that's not entirely true. Some of the girls, I really do want to see. It sounds like they have grown and evolved while pretty much staying the same (if you know what I mean).

But the guys, I don't know. The conversations over email have not been so promising.... and some of them were pretty nasty, even back then.

So, should I go?

Being ill is scary

I am usually in such good health that when I do fall sick, it really frightens me.

I have been nursing a sore throat and cough for about a week now, but on Friday, my throat to swell up. I looked like a bullfrog, which is not good since I seem to be running into a second chin anyway. It was painful to talk, eat, or even swallow saliva. I don't mind the not eating, but how was I going to survive without talking?! :)

So in a mindless panic, I went to see a doctor, who prescribed a dose of antibiotics. The swelling is gone down, but man, it sure does still hurt. However, I think the worse is over and I am going to live.

Which I why I think healing is probably the most under-rated of God's miracles. People were impressed by Jesus raising the dead, but he healed more people that He brought back to life. And he continues to heal.

SO my healing is in there somewhere as well. And I am glad for it.

Theatre Review - Kumar, Stripped bare and standing up

It's been two years since Kumar's last show (proper show, not his weekly stints at some dive), and I was pumped. My friend has bought tickets the minute they went on sale and we had been talking about it ad nauseum. And as expected, Kumar did not fail us.

From the time he walked on through the audience to the simple curtain call, we were in stitches - enthralled, enamoured and entertained. Nothing was reverent - politics, race relations, gender preference, sexuality, family, friends.... if it had a punchline, Kumar delivered it. His impeccable comic timing coupled with the dramatic hand gestures drove home every joke, every point, every poignant moment. And Kumar can do more with a raised eyebrow than Dawyne Johnson ever could.

But like every Kumar performance I ever attended, his monologue had its share of pathos. The intimate details of his childhood, upbringing, passions and desires were juxtaposed against the backdrop of loneliness, fear, doubt and the longing for acceptance.

Ever the consummate performer, Kumar weaves the sadness into his mayhem, playing it down, making it palatable to an audience who are there, primarily, to laugh.

My personal little moment came when I was heading home after the show. We had gone for a drink (or 4) at pump room and I declined a ride home from my friends and was heading in the opposite direction towards the taxi stand. And suddenly a vision in bright orange togs and heavy stage make up appears before me. It was the man of the hour himself. Emboldened by the mojitos and a genuine desire to meet him, I walked up to him.

N: Hi, Kumar!

K: (looked startled and ready to flee)

N: I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your show at the Esplanade tonight (stretch out my hand)

K: (Looks a little releived and takes it) Oh, thank you so much!

N: No, Thank YOU so much. It was brilliant!

Kumar bows a little, with hands in namaste position. I walk on, hoping that i don't fall in with the vast number of "biggest fans" that he is accosted by, probably on a daily basis.

Cos I don't want to be just another fan.

Congratulations to Mr Miyagi on a brilliant job with the script. I am sure Kumar ad libbed like crazy, but I could tell that the material was well-researched and well put. Oh and thanks for the addition of Chinese jokes, we minorities appreciate it. lol

Honour your parents?

It's been a long time since my parents agreed on anything. Even after the divorce, they seemed to pride themselves on their dichotomy of views, whether in reality, or just in principle.

I often remember either my dad or my mum going out of their way to make sure the views they represent are as opposite as they can possibly get to what they thought the other might present.

So when both of them, recently, expressed the same view about the unexplained sore on my leg, I got a bit worried.

"Go see a doctor! Get a blood sugar test done! Your family history of diabetes is very strong!"

Almost word for word, their reaction was the same. And of course, they wouldn't be good Indian parents if they didn't end with the ubiquitous guilt trip.

"As a parent, i can only advise you. If you don't listen, there is nothing I can do. I just hope it won't be too late."

My day, being my dad, and heaps more prone to exaggeration and melodrama than I am, had to add his unique spin, telling me uplifting anecdotes of how he knows people to lost their limbs to gangrene etc etc.

Needless to say, I went to the doctor the next day and had a blood sugar test done.
Not because I had any real fear, but because of the rarity of my parents agreeing on anything.

Now THAT is surely a sign, no? The chance of it happening is one in a million.

Hanan in America - a blurry photo journey

3 months after the fact, I am finally getting around to some of the wierd pics of Hanan that he took while on holiday in the States. These will give you insight into the boy's soul rather than tell you anything about his trip.

He is kinda special, this kid.



I love this shot. I think it reflects alot about his personality. And that he looks so cute, of course.



Introduced to the joys of a bathrobe for the first time, Hanan immediately grasps the jedi role-play possibilities.



Ah, the classic orange slice in the mouth smile. Which of us didn't at least attempt this as a child?



Why is it that boys can't wait to grow a beard, and men shave everyday to get rid of one? And I want to stress that bubble beards come off much easier than bristly hair ones.



Hello, Grandpa! I ask you, what do you do with that expression?



This is a picture of Hanan speaking to me early Christmas morning. Note the umkempt afro. Note the delicious sleepy face. Note the slightly confused look in the eyes. (Wait, its Christmas evening for you and i just woke up?)

I love this kid.

God's Fairweather Friend

During lifegroup yesterday, it dawned on me that I am God's fairweather friend. I am happy to praise him, and pray and spend time reading my Bible when things are going well. But when I am faced with challenges, much like the many that exist right now, I tend to want to depend on my own wits to solve the problems.

It makes me wonder though. Isn't it suppose to be the other way around? People generally get own with their merry lives and tend to call on the Divine only when they need help.

To quote the inimitable Mervin P, am I retarded?

The days are just packed

My apologies to Bill Watterson, but really isn't a more apt way to describe the weekend that just went by. It's been a long time since I cramped so much into a 48-hour time period and I am really glad I did.

The Sentosa picnic on Saturday was just awesome! I love it when my new friends and old friends get along and get together and do stuff! We played frisbee, water frisbee, volleyball, took long walks, ate all the yummy food A prepared, got wet in the rain, luged and ate till "sakit sa babuy" .Thanks to Al. for teaching me that Tagalog phrase, it exactly describes what we did and how we felt. I am really thankful for the time spent with R. just talking, connecting and sharing.

Dinner at The Handle Bar was pretty darn fabulous too. All that chicken and ribs, we made short work off. And the dinner conversation again, so both deep, and inane, which happens. I generally find that when I am around, things move rather quickly from "the sublime to the ridiculous". And it seldom takes more than a step.

It was a perfect end to a perfect day.

Sunday, we had our combined service. It really is cool to see the entire church - English, Chinese and Filipino services all together. From the first worship song on, I was in tears. And just when I stopped, Aunty J came on to sing, and I just lost it again. God's spirit was in the the HOUSE! It really made me think about how much power the Church has when it puts all its talents together and submits its will to the Father's.

As Pastor Klein said, we were always meant to be a powerhouse, but we have been duped into letting our identity get stolen. Wow! That was such a word of truth. I hope that the awareness of that leads many of us to take back all that we were meant to be.

M & J's baby shower was next, at Ben & Jerry's no less. The ice cream was great, the childbirth stories alternating between terrifying and awe-inspiring. H had a ball, three scoops of ice cream, vanilla scented bubble makers and PSP game exchange notwithstanding. Me, I was just happy to be around all the haps people in my church. Soaking it in, wallowing in it and making it last.

Thanks all you lovely people who made this weekend so wonderful! I can't tell you how much you are loved!

Funny truths about life in small small Singapore....

One of my colleagues sent this to me via email today. It struck a chord. I wonder what the 1000s of foreigners living here think of us and our unique form of self and civil governance?

1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on

2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep

3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke

4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)

5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox

6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to maintain

7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More

8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet

9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans

10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese

11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain

12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats

Random Post

I am really happy with the way things are going with the two of you. Not that I am hoping that something will happen. But if something does, then yey!

The highlight of my week has been planning for Good Friday service. I am pumped about producing it - not the work, maybe, but the excitement of it. Sometimes, I really feel like I am in the wrong job. The theatre beckons.

Kaya toast yesterday was a wonderful treat. It was such a simple thing, but it added to the wholeness of my day. Anyone know what I mean?

Have resolved to talk to people at church who are not like me.

I really think curly hair makes me feel more mischievous.

Everytime I watch him talk about something he is really impassioned about, I just melt a little by the fire issuing from his eyes. Everytime I think about how close we are, and yet how far apart, I die a little inside.

Haven't had chocolate today. But it is early yet.

10

It had been 10 years yesterday.
It went by unacknowledged by either of us.
I have nothing to show for it, except the one precious arrow in my quiver.

When I was young, I pictured this day being very different. Surrounded by our 4 (or more) kids, celebrated with our friends and family, before going off on a romantic weekend away, just the two of us.

My friends tell me I am brave, I am strong, I am sensible and responsible.
I am none of those things.
Just hopeful.

What went wrong?
Nothing and everything.
It was noone's fault. You can't fault where there is no effort.

Or may be it was mine.
If only I had been more -->insert adjective here<--

I am not sure if there will be a 11. But I know that whatever happens, my Father already knows what my days hold.

What a show!

What a wonderful show the Academy put up this year! The Oscars, always one of my favorite award shows blew me away, and there a quite a few reasons for this.

Hugh Jackman
1) Hugh Jackman hosting. What a guy eh? He is beyond a triple threat. That opening was amazing! And of course, it helps that he is so easy on the eyes. I am sure he was as nervous as anything, but he was so relaxed and confident. I thought he did a great job!

Screenplay
2)I think the way they presented the screenplay awards was fantastic. To introduce the presenters by way of script and then have the script superimposed on the scenes, really helped you see the process.

Acting Awards
3) I love the way they got past winners to present the acting awards. It really made it personal and touching and sweet. Rather than see a clip that is usually unrepresentative of the actor's real skills, it makes so much more sense to be lauded by your coleagues who have been where you are. I thought it a shame that the actors in Best Supporting Actors all knew they didn't have a chance against the Ledger legacy though.

Brown in even more the new black
4) The touch of Bollywood that Slumdog Millionaire brought to this year's show added the much-needed spice to a show that was becoming predictable and staid. Having all those colourful dancers, drummers and singers was really a spectacular way to present the music awards. And the fact A R Rahman won them both is the icing on the cake. His work in cinematic music deserves the recognition it received, although that song, by no means, is his best work. But still, go Tamilan!

The Clothes
5)I love watching all the beautiful clothes that the stars wear and how some of those dresses defy gravity and stay where they are supposed to stay. I also wondered why Penelope Cruz always wears a bridal gown, like she is going to be married right after the award ceremony. I loved Jennifer Aniston's dress, and Taraji Henson's, Angelina's green earrings.

Kudos to the people who produced this year's show. It was imaginative, creative, original and thoroughly enjoyable. Ignore all the nay-sayers and critical snobs - they are just seething because there was nothing worse condemning and they live to condemn.

Better than Silver and Gold

I have the best friends, no question.

I was majorly bummed out by what happened with work on Friday, or rather what had been happening for the last 8 months, and really didn't feel like seeing anyone or being social. I decided to throw myself a pity party, invited all the relevant people (i.e me, myself and I) and locked myself in my rooom, wallowing.

Didn't go to church. Didn't feel like performing for others when my heart was so heavy. Also the headache that started on Friday night was still lurking in my cranium and I was feeling cranky.

Then came a message. Where are you?

Then came two. Come have dinner with us.

Then three. We'll come to you. Just come out and hang.

I turned them all down. It was my party and I'll cry if I want to.

At about 9, I emerged. Tired of my own company, sick of the self-imposed confinement, guilty at abandoning my child for my own selfish gain.

Then they called. We are downstairs. Can we come up?

4 words that make me tear up just recounting them here. They drove all the way to the boondocks just to see someone, who may not even want them there, because they loved her and they cared. 2 young, single people, who could have done so many other things with their Saturday night.

And brought Ben & Jerry's ice cream - the elixit to get rid of all headaches and heartaches. We didn't do anything life-changing - just small talk, watched "The Nanny" and .... let me heal. I take it back - it was life-changing. It touched mine.

Thanks J and A. Your friendship is more precious than silver and gold. And I will treasure it forever.

Glad

Glad that chapter of my life is over and now we can move on. Of course, it's going to take some time to repair the damage left behind, but I think in about 6 months to a year, I can put most of it behind me.

Meanwhile, there are new and exciting projects to look forward.

Like the upcoming charity event.

And the new ideas for a junior series.

And of course the whole idea of managing the workload of 3 people in one fell swoop, while still overlooking what the rest are doing.

It's only just begun.

Ho Ender!

In local patois, I'm happy like a bird.

I finally got my hands on "Ender in exile", Orson Scott Card's latest offering in the Ender series.

Woo hoo!!

I am going to devote my nights and weekends to reading and re-reading this book. I am only at page 65 and have already teared up twice.

For those of you who have never heard of Orson Scott Card or the Ender series, wa lau eh. Why are we still friends?

Bulletin Post

I have decided that on the days I am too lazy to write meandering sentences that wend their way through my subconscious, I will do bulletin posts which basically gives you a quick update of what I am up to. Like a bulletin.

Current Mood: melancoly

Work: Busy like you won't beleive :)

Home: Same old same old

Currently reading: Ender in Exile (Woohoo!! Finally!)

Listening to: Been in a Don McLean kinda mood

Current physical hangup: ingrown toenail on right big toe

Would rather be: sitting at Starbucks, reading

Random things in February

I really like the "Swagga like us" song. It's got a really catchy hook. I went to check out the original "paper planes" and its got a really horrible message, but I think Kanye did something really cool with it.

**

I am currently reading a book called "Good in Bed". No, it's not a manual. Its actually a really good book about a woman who finds out that her boyfriend write in a national publication about the courage it takes to love a larger woman. I.e her.
The book resonated with me somehow, having been a larger woman all my life.
I remember when I was 18 (at my fittest), I was talking to a bunch of friends about some event, and someone said, "It's ain't over till the fat lady sings." And a really dear friend (he still is) turned to me and said, "Nalinee, sing!" And I think it hurt all the more because I never saw myself as fat, just taller and broader and stronger than the other women I know. That's when I first realised, that I can either be comfortable with myself or spend my life wanted to look a different way.

It's taken about 15 years, but I think I finally am there.

**

After being so sure of what I want, I am unsure again. It could just be a hormonal thing. And also it's coupled with other feelings of inadequacy and failure. But I just need to lean in to Him a bit more. It's usually when we start struggling that we need more support, yes?

**

Think I need to get my priorities lined up. I feel like I am spending too much time on non-proftable pursuits and have lost sight of my vision for this year. And its only February!!!

V Day Frenzy

One is looking online for roses.

Another asked me to help him choose lingerie for his wife.

Yet another is swooning in anticipation at what her boyfriend is planning.

And you don't bring me flowers anymore.

Movie Review - Elegy

I had to look up the meaning of elegy, I am not ashamed to admit.

Elegy - poem of mourning; lament for the dead; reflection of something strange or mysterious to the writer.

Given that the movie was based on Philip Roth's "The Dying Animal", it was strange to me that Isabel Coixet would adopt the name Elegy for the film.

But it was. It haunted me for days, this film. Took over my dream life for a while even. It was truly a tale of lament, of how we mourn loss, even when we cause it. And it defies understanding.

Quick Synopsis - David Kapesh was a successful writer/ college professor who is mesmerised by Consuela Castillo, whose relationship with him suddenly renders him insecure, jealous and unsure of what he wants from the relationship. He is plagued by the age difference, her perfect beauty and his fear that she will soon leave him. When she does leave him, he is shattered by her absence.

Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz were so believable as a older man- younger woman couple that it almost made me cry. I read so many reviews that talked about how they had no chemistry etc, but that just tells me that they don't have the personal experience. I do, and that's exactly what it's like. There is a degree of aloofness that comes from sheer disbelief that this beautiful, young woman/ mature desirable man chose you and is actually with you. I can't quite explain it, but it does happen.

My favourite scenes though, were not between David and Consuela, but rather David and his best friend George O'Hearn (Dennis Hopper). George is David's long suffering companion, "the Horatio to his third-rate Hamlet", as he so aptly put it. The friendship between the two men, the equality of their intellect, their subtle trust and dependency on each other, and mostly their ability to reveal their innermost fears and weakness to each other struck a chord with me. Seldom do you hear of men sharing that level of intimacy with each other.

The performances of the other characters were brillant, adding the needed layers to the Kingsley character. Patricia Clarkson was amazing as his booty call (or was he hers?), and Peter Sarsgaard as Kapesh's son who had his own demons was a pathetic character you just want to either hug or slap. But brillantly played.

I truly enjoyed this movie, it resonated with me in a way it won't for many. But having had the expeience at least twice in my life, I think Elegy is a true portrayal of the relationships that people feel most vulnerable in.

First Meeting

One of the things that I really enjoy(ed) about my job is the projects that I get involved in for the various departments. I am one of those wierd people who actually enjoy meetings - watching the human interaction, contributing ideas, and generally basking in the creativity that takes place.

Which is why I handled being left out of the loop by my previous boss really badly. Not only did she take me out of the projects and meetings I was involved in, she also did not include me in the new projects, delegating them to the her friends and people she hired.

That really sucked.

Now that she is gone, and they are leaving, I am really looking forward to being part of event planning for the Club and attending meetings again. I really get off on the human-ness of meetings. Sure, I do bellyache about it with everyone else, but secretly, I love it!

Is that strange?

Of course, its even better being involved in meetings in church. Programming meetings are really fun, with all the wacky ideas from the even wackier people flying around. And I can't wait to start my own drama ministry meetings. Ooh, those are gonna be outta this world!

I'm pumped!