New Announcements in MRT trains

I think there are some very serious announcemnets that SMRT needs to consider incorporating in its trains, together with their current ones.
Here they are, in no order of importance:-

1) Please restrain your children. SMRT staff reserve the right to catch and smack any children running around, screaming and using the hand grips as monkey bars.

2) Please take a shower before entering the train. Body odour will not be tolerated and passenger will be asked to disembark.

3)Please refrain from overly expressive body contact with the opposite sex. SMRT trains are a public place. We WILL throw your ass in jail.

4) Passengers who are not able to sleep in a vertical position and keep slumping over other passengers are requested to remain standing for the duration of their journey.

5) Students are reminded to treat the trains as a mode of transport and not their grandfather's house. Sitting on the floor in large groups and laughing racously is strongly discouraged. Passengers who see this kind of behaviour are encouraged to step on the students, preferably their hands.

6) Please switch your handphone to the silent mode if you are listening to music via earphones. You won't hear your phone ring and noone else wants to hear the first 4 lines of "Hips don't lie" 15 times.

7) Testing of different ringtones loudly on your handphone is expressly forbidden. Please wait till you are in the privacy of an underwater cave before engaging in such activity.

8) During peak hours, passengers are requested not to fart or belch noisily. If you feel the urge, please disembark, relief yourself and board the next train.

9) Seat chope-ing for your friends is strictly forbidden. If your friends are too slow to rush in and get their own seat, please give up your seat for them.

10) Releiving your boredom by clipping your nails, digging your nose and examining its contents or staring menacingly at fellow passengers is strongly discouraged. We are an educated nation. Read a book. Contact NLB at 6332-3255 for more details.


If anyone else has any announcements they can think of, please feel free to add them here.