Extraordinary lunches at Pandan Loop

This may look like an ordinary pasta marinara to most of you. But when you work in Pandan Loop, Boondocks, End of the Civilised World, there is nothing ordinary about it.

Staples is a little restaurant on the 2nd floor, above the canteen, that caters to people who desperately need a change from the food that is served in the canteen downstairs. Like me today. I knew that if I had to grapple with ladies who save seats with tissue packs, or people who peer at your food while you are eating it, somebody would lose life.

I won't go into how bad the situation is, because I have covered that in this other post, but suffice it to say, it's bad enough to make a plate of some soggy overcooked pasta and a few randomly selected seafood bits drowned in tomato sauce seem likeMichelin 3 star quality.

How much did that little dish, plus a starter and dessert set me back? $13.90
How much is the food downstairs $2.50
But, man, was it worth it!

Good Boss, or bad boss?

There was once a boss who was very very wealthy. He himself was rich and his company was super rich as well. Of course, there were some divisions that were more profit-generating than others, but the boss always maintained that whatever one division made was to be shared with all the others.

So imagine the shock and horror on the boss' face when he realised that some of his staff were paid extremely low wages. Not only that, some of them were also made to raise their own salaries, in a sense, by getting sympathy sales from customers who were friends and family and paying themselves out of the commission of the sales.

The boss was deeply grieved. He called his staff together one day and he said," I found out recently that not only are some of my brightest and best staff not being paid well, they are made to raise their own salary. Do any of the division heads have anything to say about this?"

Shamefacedly, one by one, the division managers stepped forward. Their reasons spanned the entire spectrum of excuses.

"Sorry sir, but I was afraid to ask you for the extra funding because it's such a minor issue. I thought I could handle it myself."

"Sir, I thought you would approve of the staff raising their own pay because it proved that they were hardworking and loyal."

"I wanted to ask you for a higher salary,sir, but I didn't feel like I deserved it."

The boss listened to all the reasons stonily. Then, in the silence, he spoke.

"I have no need for your sacrifices or your offerings. Don't you know that I own the cattle on a thousand hills?

And everything that I have, I freely give to you. All you have to do is ask! And ask without fear, for I don't give because you deserve it. Because you don't.

I give because a long time ago, my son took over the company for a while, and he fixed things so that none of you will ever have to prove your worth to me, or feel afraid to talk to me, or try to earn my favour!"

All the staff thought about this. They remembered the son and felt ashamed for trying to accomplish what he had already done - make them the best employees of the year , from today to the day they left the company.

The boss saw their faces and smiled. His heart was filled with compassion for these, his staff who loved him and wanted so much to please him. And he said to them, "I will blots out your wrongdoings from my memory, for my own sake, and remember your sins no more. All you have to do is love me. From now, that is the only task I require of you."

- Inspired by Psalms 50 and Isaiah 43

Sugar Pushing

Yesterday's lesson, while no less fun, was really gruelling. I actually broke a sweat this time. Thankfully, the partners I dance with are real nice fellas, who commented neither on the wetness, nor the er, aroma.

Dancing is very sexual. I have covered this point on a previous post about Salsa already, but the need to re-iterate this is because of a move that we learned yesterday. The Sugar Push.

Imagine 2 sticks with connection by toffee. Now pull those two sticks apart and they will provide resistance to come back together. That's what a sugar push is.

This is sorta what it looks like. These people in the video are doing it very modestly, but its really a very sensual move. The way my teachers do it looks a lot more raw.
<

I had such a hard time getting over my initial embarassment doing it. The thing is, its actually a very nice move when executed well. I just ended up cracking my knuckles and almost breaking my partner's fingers.

Losing a friend to greener pastures

This has been stressing me out for the the past week, and now that it's been made official, I can finally vent about it.

My boss just tendered her resignation. What does this mean for me? No, it doesn't mean a promotion for Nalinee, because firstly I am not ready for that kinda workload and secondly, this is not the kind of organisation that will promote er... non-homogenous staff.

No, what it means is this.

1) I will lose the only person in this company who speaks my language. English. By choice.

2) The only person who gets me, gets my puns, my jokes and pop cultural references.
Example 1
Rainy day. Pouring. I come in and announce,
Nal: Doesn't this weather just whet your appetite?
Joyce: Ha ha ha ha, so corny!!
Everyone else: Wet your appetite? How can your appetite get wet? You mean your tapau breakfast got wet in the rain huh?
Nalinee: Thank you Joyce!

Example 2
Big Boss: Nowsaday, we need to blah blah blah
Nal(snickering, whispers): NowSaday?
Joyce(snickering): sssshhh, don't get me started!
Everyone else: Funny meh?

3) Joyce is sort of like a self repairing shield. She shields me from the crap that hurtles our way from the other departments, and only allows important radio signals and hails to go through, while all the asteroid dust and crap get deflected off her.
So when the shield fails or disappears, what happens? Yes, the Enterprise is in deep danger from damage. Unless I engage warp speed and get the hell away.

4) Joyce, Ashley and I are the only Christians in the company, and Joyce leaving is a 33% decrease in prayers, hopes and shared beleifs and values. Yes, it makes a difference.

5) I am a big picture person. Joyce is a nitty gritty person. Between the 2 of us, we managed to do a bang up job with all our projects and deliverables. When she's gone, I expect I will have to be both. Waaah!

I will miss our lunches together, our shared alliances and enemies, the way it was marketing against the world. I will miss talking about our kids, their various blessings and issues. I will miss your pragmatic world view on things like planning, finances and family, and I will miss shocking you with my unplanning, non controlled, "God will take care of me" attitude. I will miss your running around like a chicken with its head cut off and mindless panic attacks about nothing.

I hope you miss me too.

How to eat at a sushi bar

When my friend Joel, told me about this video, he could hardly talk for laughing. And looking at it now, almost a month later, I finally see why.

Dedicated to fans of Sushi and Japanese traditions everywhere.

Dinner and Dance

Here are a few pictures from my company D&D that I thought might be worth putting up. After you see the bunch of weirdos that I work with, you will realise why I am the way I am.

This is my boss. We had a Disney theme, and that was her effort to look like Mickey Mouse. Although distinctly not rodent-like, I think she gets credit for being the only one to even make the effort.

A sampling of the dinner. It was a 8 course Chinese banquet and this was the first dish, also known as the cold dish. Because revenge is a dish best served cold. The Maki was good though.

And that's me getting my lucky draw prize, pictured in the post before this one, from Lawrence, featured in this post. Yes. It's strange how God works. But I think it was a good thing and will work to glorify what must be glorify. See the genuinely happy smile on my face. I really wanted that camera.

New Toy!!

Canon Powershot A540.

I won this at my compay D&D, so I am going to be busy for a while.

Toodles!

It's blooming flower time again!

V-DAY FLOWER DEALS!

Ok, one of my mates is doing this Valentine's Day flower thing to help supplement his income and put himself through uni. Although I personally think that all this V-day malarkey is highly commercialised and overrated, it still doesn't stop my hundreds of admirers from wanting to give me flowers.

So, if you have to buy me flowers (which alot of you will feel you do), please buy them from this guy.

Click on the picture for more details on pricing and how to order.

Oh, and if you feel compelled to buy flowers for other people, I guess you can buy them from him too.

Restaurant Review - Jack's Place

Yesterday, I felt meaty. Now, before you get all in my face with the fat jokes, let me clarify. Our diet has been containing alot of carbo lately, so I thought meat might make a nice change.

So we went to everyone's favourite (and inexpensive) steak house, Jack's Place. Jack's, interestingly enough, was founded by a Chinese busboy, who learnt how to cook from his British bosses in the Royal Army, when they still had a base here.

But they sure know how to do a good steak. Otrie had the most scrumptious looking fillet mignon, with a side of coriader butter. It musta been good, because he devoured it in about 7 minutes flat.

I had the mixed grill. My meat fixation was not specific enough to decide what kind of meat I wanted, so I thought, why have just one. The steak that came with my meal was a little bloodier than I like, but the succulent lamb chop, chicken fillet and bacon more than made up for it. Hanan stole my egg :(

Hanan had what was on the menu as a minute steak. That raised a good 10 min argument between Otrie and me. He insisted it's a minute (as in time measurement) steak, cos it cooked so fast, and I maintained it was a minute (as in small) steak, cos it was, well, small. We asked our waitress but she just laughed nervously at us, so she either didn't know the answer or didn't understand the question.

Anyone care to enlighten me on this point?

It was a good meal. The lobster stuffed mushrooms we had as starters were fabulous, and didn't look too difficult to replicate at home. But meanwhile, I am just fed, dumb and happy.

Update: It's minute. As in measurement of time. Cos it cooks fast. Oh well.

Swing Dance Course - 4 lessons

On behalf of Sinclair. I hope I see some of you guys there!

Hi All,

Swing Dance Course: Cool Moves

This 4-week course will teach those who know the basics of the dance some cool moves and variations that they can use on the dance floor to impress their partners and friends. It will also focus on partnership connection, lead and follow techniques, and body awareness. No dance partner needed to sign-up.

Instructor Profiles

Sinclair Ang has been teaching Swing Dancing since 2000, both locally and overseas across Europe, Asia, and Australia. His classes are fun and grounded in good technique. He trains several performance groups locally, performs globally, and has also been featured in several documentaries on dance. He will be teaching this course with Ana Ismail, whom he has collaborated with for several swing dance projects. Ana has been dancing for 12 years now. She is no stranger to teaching and performs regularly with several dance groups as well.

Course Details

When: Mondays 22/1, 29/1, 5/2 (7pm Swing by the Art Cafe!), 12/2, 26/2
Time: 7:30 - 9pm
Where: Performers' Workshop, 29 Maxwell Road, Reddot Traffic, #03-13
Cost: $100/person
Contact: +65 9625 8665, sinclair.ang@gmail.com

Drop me a line or email if you're interested in this course!

See you on a dance floor!

Swing dancing Monday

Yesterday, I went with a bunch of friends to our first swing dance lesson.

The best thing about swing has to be the music. The minute the teacher puts the music on, you can't help but move or at very least tap your feet. And that's before you have learnt a single step. Somehow your sould just connects you know.

We did the basic moves (basic step, the lindy circle and the jockey) in about 1/2 hour and spent the rest of the lesson learning the variations and horsing around.
Sam and JJ, the only guys from our group, were so adorable doing the steps. I love the way they panic about one little thing and totally lose the plot for the rest of the routine. We were weaker from laughing than the exercise.

After swing class, we went to the nearby Maxwell Market to have a drink. It was about 10. My feet were killing me, and I told myself, I have to take a cab home. My friend Angie said she would share one with me.

And, wouldn't you know it, every cab in the area either had a passenger or an "on call" sign. Of course, they weren't really on call, they just do it, so people waiting would have to call, and the cabbies make more money.

Anyone who lives in Singapore knows this phenomenon. Usually takes place from 10pm to midnight. Cos after midnight, they make 50% above the metre charges, don't they?

I almost caved and called a cab, when Angie stopped me. She reminded me that we have't prayed for a cab yet. Shamefacedly, I cried out to the air, "Please God, send us a cab. I am tired and I wanna go home!" Yep, I was whining, but if you can't whine to your Father, who can you whine to?

Then, an empty Mercedes Limo pulled up. He wound down the window, and said, "Where to?" Bracing myself for the worst, I said, in a small squeaky voice, "Woodlands?"

And he said, "Get in."

I almost couldn't move. Angie casually walked up and opened the door, like this happens to her everyday. I meekly followed her in.

Turns out the cabbie was calling it a day and going home and he lives a 10 min WALK away from me.

I tell you, when God provides, He does it with style.

The star, the cross and the crescent

If you want to hear a really good discourse on the similarities and differences between Judaism, Christianity and Islam, you could do worse than this.

http://www.northpoint.org/messages

There are 4 installments to this series, the first 2 are the pastor of the Northpoint Church, the 3rd, a Jewish lady and the 4th, a Muslim.

Scroll down till you get to 17/ 9/06 and then move upwards to 10/08/06

Thoughts of a Boyfriend Past

Today, for no good reason, I started thinking about this ex-boyfriend I had, when I was 17. I am not even sure if I can call him a boyfriend, because we were together for all of 3 weeks. However he represents a series of "firsts" for me, so I felt he deserves a place in my memory and this here blog.

The Firsts
1) He was the first "older" man I dated. He was 27 and I was 17. I never told my mum, she would have freaked out, but he lived really close, so it was easy to sneak out on dates and such.

2) He was my first non-Indian, non-Singaporean boyfriend. He was Iranian, in Singapore to import and export Persian carpets. Ever so slightly shorter than me, gorgeous green eyes set on olive skin, and curly, lamb-wool hair that he wore long at the back.

3) He was the first (and only) Muslim I ever dated. He wasn't deeply religious or anything, and at that point I was not committed to anything in particular, so it wasn't really a problem. He did make the loveliest pilaus and lamb gravy thingies though. And fed me! Like I was 5. It was nice being pampered like that.

4) He is the only boyfriend I ever had who was involved in a real war. He never talked about it except to say, "I saw many things, things I hope you never see." And got this pained look in his eyes. I never pushed it further. He did have a wee scar on his cheeck where shrapnel had hit it. About an inch away from his right eye.

5) He was the first boyfriend I ever, kissed kissed. You know, the French type. He found my inexperience very amusing, and I was surprised that I actually enjoyed the exchange spit thing. He was a very rough kisser and left whisker burns on my lips and cheeks, but that was fine by me :). I am not saying that's all we did, but the kissing was memorable.

6)He was the first guy that I made the first move on. As opposed to him picking me up. We were on the train and exchanging looks all the way from Orchard to Ang Mo Kio. I was delighted to see he got off there as well, and brazenly asked him for the time. The rest happened the usual way.

So why did we not continue? I think we both knew that we in it just for the mutual "exotic" factor. There was no way the relationship would have gone anywhere and I didn't want to lose my virginity at 17, so there really wasn't much point. His English and my Persian left much to be desired, so our conversations were rather stilted and tedious to get through. I stopped calling him (and I never gave him my number), and that was that.

He was a good man though, and probably is a very successful carpet merchant now, with 3 wives and 12 children. I hope he is blessed and happy.

Goodbye Michael

This is a tribute to Michael Brecker, one of Otrie's heroes, who died earlier this morning.

Michael Brecker, Saxophonist and Jazz Musician Extraordinare, has, during his lifetime, accomplished the following:-

1) won 11 Grammys as a performer and a composer.
2) Popularising jazz at a time when rock was the mainstay of the mainstream tastes.
3) Popularising the EWI and endorsing the Selmer IV Tenor Sax
4) Groundbreaking music (like on this video)



Michael Brecker had been diagnosed with the blood disorder myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS). Despite a widely-publicized worldwide search, Brecker was unable to find a matching stem cell donor. He was the recipient of an experimental partial matching stem cell transplant and as of late 2006 he was recovering, but it wasn't enough.
He was 57.

Goodbye, Michael. You will be missed.

So, where do you come from?

So, Vasantham Central in going to have this new programme calls "Roots" which will be sort of like "Amazing Race" meets "Who's your Grand-daddy?"

Basically, there will pick one 3rd generation Singaporean whose ancestors came from one of the 28 States of India, and pay their way to go back to where they came from to discover their roots. So, 1) Free trip to India! and 2) Meeting long lost relatives!. Why not, eh?

My preliminary research into the topic was interesting and intriguing enough to want me to delve further.

OK, so I called my dad and said," Do we have relatives in India?" and he gave me 1 (one) name, but that's research. If you want to know what that name is, ask Jia Jun, who can pronounce as well as spell it. :)

Anyway, long story short, I went to the audition yesterday, and found out that the producer was someone I went to Ngee Ann Poly with. This is one of those times nepotism could work in my favour, and I hope it does, heh heh. It was a short audition. Basically they wanted to know 3 things:-

1) Do you have a interesting story? Will it translate well into TV?

2) Can you speak the language well enough to take you through your journey. (Gulp!)

3) Do you look good enough on television to make people care about you and your quest?

The screen test was me sitting in 3 point lighting with a collar mike and Hameed, the producer, who looked cool and composed while I struggled to answer questions in Tamil, tripping over words like "motive", "ancestors" and "objective". Not very intimidating, actually it was like catching up with an ex- classmate, except I never catch up in Tamil.

Results of audition soon. I am not so confident that I will get it, because my story not so interesting. Apparently one of the other hopefuls was told by her parents that she has royal blood and wants to go back and trace her illustrious lineage.

How to compete with that, you tell me?

Let's talk about the weather

Ok, its been another 24 hour rain day, and it may extend beyond. This almost never happens in Singapore, except in December, but thanks to EL Nino and his other Latino friends, we have been having all kinds of weird weather.

Here are some precipitation situations from around the world.

Singapore

Malaysia

Alaska

India

Ghana

Baaaa!

Consider the sheep.

Sheep are kinda dumb animals. Left to their own devices, they can't even get a drink of water. The tend to do whatever other sheep are doing. Ever seen sheep jump over an imaginary obstacle? They sure look funny doing it, but they are just following the leader.

Sheep also get bugged. By flies that is. They get into their nose, their eyes, their ears and even lay their nasty eggs in the sheep's wool. The poor sheep not only cannot complain, but can die from this. But most of the time, the flies are just darn annoying.

Sheep also are poorly equipped to get themselves outta trouble. While most sheep kinda quietly follow the leader and the rest of the flock, there is always one frisky little fella who wants to know whats in that crevass or in that ditch. And when he falls into the darkness, he neither has the strength of legs to climb back out, nor the strength of voice to yell for help.

So basically its up to the shepherd to take care of the sheep. He finds places for the sheep to find grass and water. He picks treats like berries and tasty leaves and places them on a little plateau for the sheep to enjoy. He poured a special medicated oil on the sheep so the flies will leave it alone. He uses the rod to beat away predators like wolves that love lamb chops. And the staff or crook, he uses to scoop out frisky lambs from little nooks and corners.

But what if the shepherd did more?

What if the shepherd was so happy to find that frisky lamb, that he threw a party for all his friends? Over a lamb! And it wasnt the main course either!

What if the shepherd knew the names of all the 1000+ sheep he had and lovingly called them by name everytime he lead them out?

What if the shepherd realised that the sheep had no recourse from the wolves and offered himself to be killed so that the sheep will never be harmed again!

You gotta be kidding, I hear you say! Who is gonna go through all of that for a dumb ol sheep?

Now read this:

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

The 23rd Psalm

It still happens

I remember the first time it happened.

I was nine and the only Indian girl in my Primary 3 class. I didn't fit in with my Chinese classmates because they were not very friendly. So I lived for Tamil class and recess, when I will see all my friends again.

But my mother kept encouraging me to make friends with some of my Chinese classmates, saying that I should learnt to mingle and thus pick their brains. So I tried.

I went up to this squat, rather boyish girl the next day, and said, "Hey, wanna play zero-point?"

And she turned around and said point blank, "My mother said I cannot play with Indian children because they all very dirty and have kutu (headlice)."

I was embarrassed and dismayed. I damn near cried right then. My classmates started giggling and pointed at my hip-length braids, "Yah, so long, her hair. Sure got kutu!"

I didn't say a word to anyone for the rest of the day. When I got home, I told my mother to take me to the hair salon and cut my hair - short. As short as a boy's.

Slowly she extracted the story from me. With great maternal indignation, she came to school the next day (in her nurse's uniform - my mom had style), spoke to my teacher about the incident, and got me a public apology from all my tormenters.

Later that year, I made friends with Rosalind Chong, a shy but brillant girl from the same class, and we stayed friends till PSLE.

**************************************************
Present

On Monday, we had our first meeting for our company dinner and dance. We were supposed to present a skit item to our colleagues and I had painstakingly re-written the Cinderella story with a localised twist.

One of the required props was a turban for the prince. I informed my colleagues that I had one, from a play I did before and would be happy to lend it to them.

The prince, played by a 34 year old division manager, casually asked,"Yours ah? You got wear before or not? Inside got kutu how? Make sure you clean first ah!"

I was speechless. Amidst the laughter, I sat stock still with a stony stare on my face. Finally they got it, that I didn't think it was funny. Once there was silence, I calmly moved on to the next topic of discussion, totally ignoring the question and the person who asked it.

********************************************************

Our society has so much growing up to do.

Childhood readings - A tribute to my favourite female authors.

I was at a bookshop recently, choosing books for Hanan to read, when I started thinking back to some of the books/ authors I read when I was a kid. So here are a few of them.

Enid Bylton (read more about her here)

Did anyone really escape the long reaching arms of St Clare's and Malory Towers, Famous Five and Secret Seven, The Five Find-outers (and Dog)? What about the Enchanted Wood, The Magic Faraway Tree and the dozens of elfs, fairies, goblins and pixies that lived in the bottom of the garden (wherever that was; we flat dwellers know no such thing.) And then the creepier stuff - the toys that came alive at night, the witches and the mean mean adults, who never the children have midnight feast or row themselves to uninhabited gardens.

Miss Blyton sure had a fertile imagination and judging from the new books she has been churning out since her death in 1968, enough ghost writers to keep her memory alive and flourishing.

L M Montgomery (Read more about her here)

L M Montgomery wrote the Famous Anne of Green Gables series, which is about an orphan girl Anne Shirley, who was adopted by a man and his sister on Prince Edward Island, who wanted a boy to help with the farm. They decided to keep her anyway, and it changed all their lives forever.

The Anne Shirley Series is more a milieu book than a protrayal of the title character, because through her eyes we see the early pioneers of Canada and how they survived the harsh landscape to make a life for themselves. Montgomery also wrote many papers and books on Prince Edward Island life and her life's work is kept in an Institute run by her grandchildren.

Laura Ingalls Wilder (read about her here)

Remember the TV series "Little House on the Prairie? Well, that series was based on the tru life accounts of this amazing woman and her family, who were one of the first pioneers to settle the Wild West of America in the late 1870s. The story of their struggles, loves, joys and sorrows are in a series of 8 volumes , which someone (I think my dad) gave me for my 9th birthday. Mrs Wilder claimed that she didn't know she was writing history at the time, but that's what those books were - from the perpective of a frontier woman, whose life helped to build the foundation of so many others.

From Wisconsin to South Dakota, Mrs Wilder brought to life these remote far away states that even alot of Americans don't know about, and she started in me my interest in anthropology and the history of my own people.

I am grateful to the people who bought me the books by these amazing women, with no grumble or complaint of how quickly I devoured them and asked for more. Goke Akka, thanks for buying me my first "St Clare's" book, and letting me have the run of your select but amazing home library. You think I don't remember, but I do. And Dad, I remember you bribing me with "Black Beauty" if I would get my ears pierced without a fuss. And mum, thanks for letting me read the bible when I was just a wee lass. Without that, I would never have found the Faith I did. And it is still the best book I have ever read.

A Quiet Saturday Night at Bar None

It was a strange Saturday night. No one wanted to go out. My brother claimed there was an important soccer match on, and none of my other friends felt like going out. So I did something I have never done before - I went out on a night on the town, by myself. Its something I used to do in Australia, but have never tried in Singapore.

It was strangely liberating. For one, I did not have to take care of someone else. You know, the incessant "Are you hungry? Are you thirsty? Do you want to dance?" questions that you have to ask out of politeness, when you really don't give a rat's arse about the answers.

Bar None too, was kinda quiet. Because of the small audience, the band Energy, sadly lacked the very thing they were named for. They were technically correct and didnt miss a chord in U2's Vertigo, but there was a obvious lack of passion and pizazz. Sorry guys, you know I love you.

I met a few interesting people. There was this Singaporean guy with his wife and colleague, who was in Singapore for about 14 days in a year. The rest of the time, he is travelling, doing business development for some company.

And there was this guy, who was wearing a jumper and carrying a small foldable umbrella in his pocket. I couldn't resist. I went up to him and said.. you can guess what I said. When he had finished laughing, he said he just arrived from England, where a jumper and an umbrella were part of your daily weather arsenal. Fair enough.
We had a good conversation about... yah.. the weather. Sad huh? But since I wasn't looking to pick anyone up, it was ok. Insipid conersations were all I could handle anyway.

I hung out and drank about 5 gin and tonics and some other strange concoctions, coutesy of my new friends, and at about 2, decided to call it a night. I walked over to the nearby 7-11, got one of their lovely chicken roll thingies and happily walked to a waiting cab and went home. It was so quiet out on the street too. I guess everyone was still recovereing from the New Year's Eve.

It was fun. I would do it again.

Scene from "As Good as it Gets"

INT. MELVIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Melvin walks in anxious circles in the living room. He
is impatient.

MELVIN
You going to come talk to me or
not?

SIMON
I'm coming.

He enters the room carrying Verdell who strains to be
allowed closer to Melvin. Simon releases him.

SIMON
What did she say?

MELVIN
I'm a great guy --
"extraordinary"...
(before Simon can
celebrate)
... and she doesn't want contact
with me.
(a beat)
I'm dying here.

SIMON
Because...
(gently)
... you love her?

MELVIN
(sharply)
No... and you're supposed to be
sensitive and sharp.

SIMON
Okay... you tell me why --
(mimics him)
"You're dying here."

MELVIN
I don't know... Let me sleep on it
and figure it out.
(then)
Because I'm stuck! Can't go back
to what I had... She's evicted me
from my life.

SIMON
Did you like it that much?

MELVIN
(furiously)
It was better than this... Look,
you, I'm very intelligent. If
you're going to give me advice or
conversation or consolation or
hope, you got to be better than
you're doing. If you can't be at
least momentarily interesting than
shut the hell up. I'm drowning
and you're describing water.


*********************************************

Lately I have been feeling like this conversation. So many questions in my head and yet, so many meaningles, insipid answers.

At the end of this scene, Mervin goes to his lady love's house at 3 in the morning and convinces her to give him a shot.

What's my parallel action? And what can I do with the people who insist on describing the water when I feel like I am drowning?

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

I know I am a sociable extrovert who loves being around people and engaging them, but once in a while, I do like my own space. Just time to be alone in the house, with myself, walking around singing, naked if I like. As my friend Heather puts it, "when you are free to walk through the house, flatulating, without being embarassed."

Fool that I was, I thought that in the nine days that I was on leave, there would be at least one day that I will get that opportunity. After all, it doesn't seem like much to ask for is it?

But, nooooo.

Turns out there are people in the world who can stay in the house, and not leave, not even to go to the store, for days and days and DAYS on end. That's right. The person I live with did not leave the house to go ANYWHERE the whole time I was home. Not to take a walk, not to meet a friend, nothing.

I just don't get it. That would be my idea of imprisonment, of solitary confinement and torture.

And in the meantime, I did not get any time alone to just ..be.
It's at times like this, when I miss my uni days, when I didnt have to see people when I didn't want to, and could head down the street 15 min to my pub when I did.

Maybe its time to reconsider a post graduate course.

Lost

I have not the words.

I just know that when I am around you,
my eyes light up, my face gets younger
and my breathing relaxes.
My blood quickens, my hands express
themselves and my head is clear.

Being able to make you smile is enough to
make me feel fulfilled.

And then I remember....
Calling you that morning, asking if I should wait,
or should I move on.

And you, saying that if I had to ask that
question, then we were probably not meant to be.

And me, kicking myself, going, "Stupid! stupid! stupid!"
Why call? Why ask? When the answer was so obvious.
That I would have waited, as long as you need, if there was some
hope that the answer may have been "yes".

But I didn't, and anyway, it wasn't and you were lost.
Except in the most superficial way.

As a friend......

Top 10 memorable events of 2006

10. Hanan started Primary One. (Jan)

9. I started Salsa. (Jan)

8. I got confirmed in my new job. (Feb)

7. I attended my first company dinner and dance. (April)

6. I decided to revive this blog (May)

5. We went our first 3N 2D family getaway to Sentosa. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

4. Started tithing and see the rewards thereof.

3. Started contibuting to KelingKillah.blogspot.com
2. Went to KL on a friends only holiday - my first since I got married.

1. Got to be involved with Baghdad Cafe - a Christmas musical.

There it is - my year in a nutshell.

It's been quite a ringing in of the new year this year. First the party at Marcus' place with the ex-company people on the 31st, which was really nice, and kinda wierd, as usual. David, who remains one of my favourite people, bought be the complete works of Akira Kurosawa on DVD, which we had a conversation about almost 2 years ago. The things that man remembers!!

And then the 1st, at mum's with the usual gang of misfits, aka my cousins. After polishing of one bottle of JD, half a JW and about 4 shots of Baileys. someone (I think me) came up with the idea of playing Spin the Bottle - the Turth or Dare Edition.

I learnt so much about my cousins, and myself - the foolishness you can get up to when you are young and well, foolish. E.g. what one actually beleived to be the first and true love of one's life was actually statutory rape, as my newly policeman brother was quick to point out.

Oh well, c'est la vie, non?

So since I am not a resolution type, I am just going to ask for a 100% improvement in my life. More meaning, more love, more relationships.

And more blog posts, maybe?