Surely Goodness and Mercy

In an amazing sermon message today. God reminded me that it was not me that found Him, but Him that found me. And not just found me in a haphazard manner, like how we would would find a pair of black socks tucked in the corner of the drawer. "Oh, there they are! I will just put them with the other half dozen pairs of black socks I own. Now, where are those tan tights?"

Oh,no, the word is "radaph", which is Hebrew for "hunt down and find" and then, after finding, to follow with a doggedness that will not let go.

What a relief! What freedom! That instead of us having to worry about straying, or sticking by God, and the myriad of things we have invented for ourselves to do (Read bible, pray, fast, aargh I forgot, that's it! I have to start over!), God is actually the one who is seeking us out - constantly and commitedly.

What an awesome God!

Surely goodness and mercy will follow (Radaph) me all the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

Starbucks-CityHall-Christmas

Cityhall Starbucks-people watching-everyone-waiting for someone-dates-firstdates-blinddates-datingagency?-maybe marriage broker-printed page with photos-profiles.

E-bay businessman - meeting place - 4 clients - good day?

Kids Studying - execs working on laptop - friends meeting - Salvo girls with red pot - bells ringing - are you listening - Live music - sponsored by Mastercard - people shopping - waiting - watching - laughing.

Starbucks City Hall - is noone there for the coffee?

Rain- misted doors - fairylights -looks like Christmas - crowds everywhere - train crowds, office crowd - dinner crowd - drinks crowd- date crowd. Oxymoron? - Husbands - wives - kids - maids - celebration of life - reflection of Christ?

In the midst - chaos and order - me- Waiting- watching- Hoping- To be done soon - 1/2 dozen donuts in the bag - to eat with my boy at home - Still waiting - Still watching.

Phone beeps- message- sorry - held up- can't make it - how about Sunday? Suddenly weary- slightly peeved - remember donuts- get up with purpose - goodby Starbucks - home.

Movie Review - This is it

"Don't worry ma'am, we have plenty of tickets for the 2:00pm show"

I could not hide my shock and disbelief when the girl at the counter said those words to me. Plenty of tickets to "This is it"? 3 days after it opened worldwide? How can this be?

Maybe it was an odd time. People usually have plans at 2pm on a Sunday and movie watching isn't one of them right? Right?

Anyway, H and I had a great time, sitting in the almost empty theatre, grooving, singing along and dancing in our seats with the man himself.

Michael Jackson. From my very first MJ album (Off the Wall on casette tape, tyvm), I have been a fan. Of his music, his style, his dancing, his quirky sense of humour. I think in a another place and time, Michael and I could have been really good friends.

I was blown away by the man's musical genius. The way he knew his music, the way he got the musicians to get to where he needed, and mostly, the humble, direct and straightforward way he put across his ideas was amazing to watch. It was evident from the movie his dancers, musicians, tecnicians et al absolutely loved this guy.

Just watching the way he was around these people, full of life, energy and hope, it is heartbreaking to know he is no more. I had to hold back tears quite a few times, when it hit me that he would never see the dreams he had for this concert come to pass. That none of them did. The guy who was supposed to stand in the back with a flashlight for Michael after "Smooth Criminal" never got his gig.

But I am glad that Michael was allowed to show us all this side of him. His spirit of excellence, the exactness he extracted from performances. Anyone in the stage business needs to learn that from him.

I loved the movie, but mostly I loved Michael. Rest in peace, man. Rest in peace.

Raising a man

I completely identify with Renee Zellweger's character in Jerry McGuire, when she told her sister that while her friends ar trying to find a man, keep a man, she was trying to raise a man. I feel you, sista.

I don't know how to find the right motivation button to press that will turn Hanan into the responsible, conscientious and hardworking man that I know he can be. Until then, I am left with the stubborn, careless pre-teen with a major chip on his shoulder.

I don't know how much of this is hormones. My colleague tried to convince me that boys are naturally lazy, but they will find a way to turn out alright later. I am hard-pressed to buy that. I am sure there are boys who are well-adjusted human beings who are also good with everyday tasks like schoolwork.

Maybe I should just rear fish.


If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him James 1:5

I guess I need to seek wisdom in this matter. Obviously, I don't know what I am doing or I will do it better.

How can 2 walk together, except they agree?

This has been the theme recently in almost all aspects of my life - work, marriage, motherhood, daughterhood and friendship.

Being with someone in any relationship will involve being in some kind of agreement about basic things as well as deep spiritual stuff. And when that doesn't exist, what you have is resentment, anger, strife and disappointment.

How to agree?
By being submissive to another's will - this is easier said that done for me. I am known for my mule-like stubborness.

By negotiating a "agree to disagree" scenario - not always ideal and can't have too many of these in a relationship.

Persuasive dialogue - talk someone around to see and accept your point of view (My personal favourite :) heh heh)

By building the basic foundation of the relationship together, so there are agreed upon values which will not flounder when the load on them gets too heavy at times.

I think God uses all of these to build a relationship with us. He submitted to death on the cross to remove the division between us, allowed us to give up some of his laws regarding diet, war and non-beleivers, talked to us through the gentle voice of Jesus Christ and then his disciples to help us see his view and put in place his commandments as a shared set of values for us to enjoy building His kingdom with him.

Agreeing with each other is not as impossible as it looks. As beleivers especially, half the work is already done for us.

What I learnt in the last 5 days

1) God is real.
2) He is my Champion.
3) He is always for me, and because he is, who can be against me?
4) He is my provider. Not my job, not my work, not my employer. He alone.
5) He protects me from the fowler's snare
6) I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And he plans to prosper me.
7) That every groan, every sigh reaches him.
8) That every injustice is recorded and vengeance is His and His alone.
9) The the world is a vale of tears, but God has called us into His own.
10) That I will no matter how broken I am, I still live in the house of the Lord.

Random Update

It has been a few days since the end of hell week, where there were 4 major projects to complete. In the lull, I have been working on getting head screwed on right again, while preparing for the next wave of busyness, which is coming soon, I am sure.

Change is a recurring subject for this blog, because there is such alot of it in my life, I guess. Very soon, there will be changes at work, and I will trying to exact changes in my personal life as well. Limbo is not really my thing.

*****

Hanan's streaming exams are literally around the corner, and we have to get cracker-lacking! His Tamil is a big worry, not so much that he has to pass this exam, but rather, what if he does and can't handle it at P5 and PSLE? Am I needlessly torturing my child? While its fine to promote mother tongue education and all, there really should be other alternatives.

Sigh.

*****

Really looking forward to my trip to HK in Oct. This will my first time to this land that many people think Singapore is a part of. More than anything, I think I am looking forward to the break. From work, from home, from responsibilities and expectations. And also from the fair shores of Singapore, which I have not left since .... I can't remember when. The timing is a bit sucky, right before exam fever, but still...


*****
Went to watch The Proposal on Monday. Been ages since I saw a decent rom-com, so I really enjoyed it. Its amazing how Sandra Bullock still looks so hot. And the role suited her to a T, even though she doesn't really play strong woman characters. Go Sandra Bee! Ryan Reynolds is a bit of a hottie too, although I didn't exactly see a wide enough range of emotions in this movie to be able to tell anything about his acting ability.

*****

And that's it.

10 years

This day, ten years ago, at 9:27 am, my life changed.

I now had another person to take care of. Of me and yet independant of me. Mine and yet, not quite. Of more worth than silver of gold, and yet just a bundle of wrinkly flesh. And good lungs.

What people said:
- He is so perfect
- You are so blessed
- He is going to be a wonderful being
- He will bring you joys you didn't know about

What they didn't say
- You will never sleep again
- Your body will never get over it
- You will find out the most wonderful and most evil things about yourself
- You will feel sorrow about things that didn't matter before

They were right. But so were the unspoken words.

One thing I do know. I wouldn't change it for the world. He is my only arrow in my quiver, but he would be the one I want next to me, come what may.

He is my baby, my son, my kid, my joy, my trial and my greatest blessing.

Happy birthday son!

My week in review

Its been a busy busy busy week and guess what? Next week will be even busier. On the one hand, I am just thankful that I am blessed with so much to do, so many to love and time to do it all. On the other, I am a little weary of the routine, of the sheer everydayness of it all and can't wait for a break!

Meanwhile here is my week in review


Monday
Company Dinner and Dance. Was super fun. Thanks J and A who babysat for me and allowed me this night. I won a hairdryer. Pictures here is the crazy marcom team. And Darth Vader. That's actually John, our designer, who was part of the org comm and hence got to be in costume, but not eat anything.



Tuesday
Earnest work on Annual Report begins. Stress

Wednesday
Meetings. meetings, meetings and more meetings. Most unproductive day of the week. But finding time is a skill that I am working on, so this was a good day to practise.

Thursday
Scramble like mad to complete the magazine. In a writing flurry, and in the midst of it panic about how I haven't written the script for the church anniversary yet.

Went to prayer meeting at night. First time in a long long while. Felt good.

Friday
..I'm in love. Hee. Not really. But it's a song. Ok, Friday was a usual work day, mad rush to finish stuff. Spent Friday night shopping with Hanan for an outfit to wear to ...

Sat
....Vimal's ROM party. Which was also super fun. The food was awesome and the company was great. It was small-ish, about 100 people in all. As usual, ours was the hecklers' table, and very noisy. It was great that we have so many friends and family in our circle who are such good singers. save money on entertainement.

Sunday
Lunch with J and V,their treat, God bless them. T came along too. Crystal Jade dim sum rocks! Ooh, and I ran into Shades from Ngee Ann Poly. He looked so grown up, so man - not like the boy I once knew. I promised to find him on facebook, but haven't done that yet.


Monday
Happy Birthday, Prashanth!!! My baby brother turns 31, which makes me feel even older. Its a shame he is so far away, but you know we love you, bro! And mummy's home from India. Two weeks without her is just too long. Also, Hanan's exan started. Ugh.



Which brings us to today!

See what I mean by blessed beyond belief?

Restaurant Review - KPO

Better than meeting up with friends I really enjoy is meeting them in a cool place like KPO, where the slate coloured walls, muted lighting and cosy low sofas made for great conversation.

It helped that for the first hour or so, we were just about the only ones there, the PH crowd only picking up after 1:30pm. Sad for the outlet, but yay for us.

After all the mixed reviews I read about the place on www.hungrygowhere.com, I knew that checking it out myself would be the only thing to do. So with two willing(or not) victims, that's just what we did.

KPO is right where that "philatelic" place is, the Killney Post Office, hence its moniker. I guess it must get pretty crowded at night with the yuppie crowd, but today is was a family brunch sorta vibe.

I had the all day breakfast aka the works. Scrambled eggs on ultra thick toast, nice fat sausage, generous side of bacon, hash browned potatoes for $15 was a pretty good deal to me. What was NOT a good deal was the miserable tiny cup of Earl Grey for $9 bucks. C'mon guys, if you are gonna charge that much, at least give us a pot, will ya?

R's Steak and eggs were pretty good too. The red wine reduction for the sauce was really yummy, flavoured with rosemary and delightfully fruity.

PKH's spring chicken was hardly more than chick sized. Served on mash, it was tasty enough, but the portion would hardly feed a bird.. ha ha. A little poultry cannibal humour there.

Nothing on the dessert side really appealed, so we went to TCC for some dark devotion instead.

On the whole, I liked KPO, next time might try some of the local fare. Someone at the next table was having Hokkien Mee and it smelt heavenly.

Happy 44th Singapore

It will be National Day soon, and I am amazed at how many of my colleagues and friends don't seem to be excited about it at all. Most of them are planning weekend getaways, and basically trying to find places in Singapore that wont be affected by the parade logistics (i.e not downtown)

I am really looking forward to it. The parade, the national song medleys, the members of parliament filin in one by one. The commands in Malay, the guard of honour, the contingents behind them. The arrival of the Prime Minister, the look LKY and LHL exchange (always makes me wanna cry), the slow darkening of the sky.

The arrival of the President, the seeking of permission, the National Anthem (but this time I have just lost it and can hardly see the TV through my tears. The feu de joie (21 Gun salute), the flypast, the showcasing of our military prowess.

The parade inspection, the marchpast, my sigh of relief when the President can finally sit down.

The pledge. This year its gonna be an amazing thing, with everyone, all of singapore, taking the pledge together at 8:22pm. Kudos to the genius who came up with this.

And then, the show. The fireworks. And the end of another wonderful birthday.

Happy Birthday, old girl. We may complain, and moan and sigh with discontent, but we love ya. And will keep praying for ya.

parenting

I need a manual. Really. The personality changes and emotional rollercoasters that my kid has been on lately, I have no idea how to deal with it. Are you supposed to hit puberty when you are 10?

I realise that while the mature kid in him listens to me reason it out, the petulant child whines and carries on. Over the weekend, we had a battle of wills a few times, until out of sheer exhasution, I did the unforgivable. I hit the kid.

He didn't cry, but the look of intense pain, fury and hurt he gave me was horrible and terrifying. Immediately, "What have you done?" razed through my brain.

I came clean, told my brother about it, and he took Hanan aside for some mano a mano counselling. And I am glad i could draw on his support for this.

But what if it happens again? And again? What if in frustration, Hanan says something to hurt me?

I need a manual.

***

I have a manual.
The bible is full of wisdom on how to raise a child.

Spare the rod, and spoil the child.

Do not provoke your child to anger.

Train a child in the way he should go.

Teach him God's commandments.


I haven't exactly been following the manual. It's time for a refresher. From the Refresher.

With all thy getting, get understanding

Solomon was really on to something. He really had everything mortal man could want in the physical world. Money, fame, power, women, properties, children (this one's a bit iffy. And yet his knowledge that all that is nothing without understanding (or wisdom, as some translations have it), is really mind boggling.

In a time when so much of what we do seems to be based on how we feel, rather than what we know, I am reminded that wisdom to sift the wheat from the chaff is indeed the most valuable thing of all.

So much is relative, so much is measured on the level of pure emotion, that it is easy to look track of what's real and go with the flow. I am thankful for reminders everyday.

I know this is kinda rambling and random, but I needed to remember I said this.

Theatre Review: Shakespeare - Reduced and Riotous

I went to the opening night performance by the Reduced Shakespeare Company last night with my friend-in-all-things-literary. The complete works of Shakespeare - Abridged, performed in 97 minutes. All 37 plays, some sonnets, some aprocryphal works and a whole lot of physical comedy, innuendo, quote massacre,puns and play-on-words thrown in.

While most of the plays were mainly touch and go,(All the comedies were lumped together under a skit titled "4 weddings and a tranvestite"), the entire second half was devoted to what is considered Shakespeare's greatest work of all time. (And if you have to ask which one, tch).

The most enjoyable was the incredible versality of the actors, whose multiple talents really kept you guessing at what they are going to come up with next. Adding relevancy with references to popular culture (who hasn't used wiki or google to research eh?), the performance reminded us of the Bard's innate talents as well as his absolute verbosity, his penchant to "distil" other people's works and to pair the most unlikely couples in his many plays (many of whom can be married in various states in the US, as astutuely observed by the players).

If you are planning to watch this, you are in for the laugh of your life. I can't remember the last time I saw the aforementioned partner in crime laugh so hard or lose it so badly.

If you weren't planning to watch this, let me assure you that dont need a knowledge of Shakesepeare's work to enjoy it. Go. Now.

Till 2 August 2009
Drama Centre
Tickets from $19 at Sistic.

Resolve or Dissolve

Dinner with PKH yesterday was good for my sense of sensibility and perspective. Being the intense, analytical, very logical and feet firmly on the ground kinda person that he is, his views on almost everything are about 180 degrees removed form mine. Which is why I enjoy our friendship so much.

His take on the whole resolve or dissolve dilemma was at total odds to all my previously held opinions on the subject. When someone steps out of character and does something that shows initiative and a desire to communicate, is that reason to celebrate the effort or use it to make my case against why he cannot be trusted.

Food for thought.

Bob Blumer - An encounter

Last Saturday, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a cooking class hosted by Bob Blumer, one of my Discovery Travel and Living heroes. Bob hosted a really cute show called Surreal Gourmet, where he travelled around toaster-mobile in his cooking extaordinary meals for the most unlikely people, with the simplest ingredients. Bob has a great sense of humour, and his passionate for food, coupled with the cute Canadian way he says "aboot" instead of "about" makes him very likeable indeed.

The class was a blast! There were perhaps 30 of us in all, contest winners, food bloggers and other calefare i.e me. He was in town to promote his new show "glutton for punishment" which almost killed him, to hear him tell it. Although he looked really tired, he was most obliging with our incessant requests for photo opps, autographs and dumb questions (can I use oil instead of butter?) He had just come from Manila and was leaving for KL the next day and I was surprised he wasn't more grumpy.

Bob taught us how to make chicken on a stick, prawns on a stick and chocolate wontons (not on a stick). The food was amazing, but it paled in comparision to meeting a prolebrity (professional celebrity?).

The good people at Discovery did a bang up job organising this, and gave us nice freebies like a awesome apron and a Glutton for Punishment Coffee Cup with cover/cookie plate. I love it!

It was an awesome experience. Thanks S for asking me to go and thank you God, for making it possible.

PS Photos later. For some reason blogger won't let me post photos at the mo.

What this woman wants - really

I had a good talk with an old friend yesterday (has it really been 10 years?!) and we spoke of many things. Then he asked me a question which really floored me.

What do you want, he said, all serious.

I hadn't thought about what I wanted in such a long time then I was completely bewildered for a while. What DO I want? Then I started thinking, what if what i want is too superficial, too shallow, too minor? Does it then make it something not worth wanting, or even worth having?

It's something I am still pondering. Who knew such a simple question would be so hard to answer.

Sometimes...

.. it's just not enough.

Back to school!

The last 2 weeks of the school holidays were just packed! Birthday celebrations, trips to Malacca, church camp and endless other feasts and festivities filled our days.

Needless to say, waking up this morning at the glorious time of 5:45a, was a drag. Surprisingly enough, Hanan bounded out of bed rather quickly and was not too cranky about my hurrying him through the shower, dressing and shoes-and-socks stage.

After he left, I went to bed but instead of sleeping, found myself praying for the many things on my mind. Michael Jackson's demise. My friend's dad's operation. My ability to get through the next ten weeks of term and emerge sane. My seasons of self-pity and loneliness.

It's a whole bunch of depressing stuff, but at the end of it, I actually felt stronger and more confident than I had in quite a while. Strange, no? Or maybe not.

First Birthday Thing

My department people at work took me to birthday lunch today. We had Japanese, as my request, which is one of my favourites (among the other 15 types of cuisine which are my favourite. Ok, I like food.)

It was really fun, especially trying everybody's food, making fun of each other and generally continuing the asinine mayhem that goes on in the office anyway.

And I got really nice presents, including a "hot babe" tag. Finally, the recognition for who I really am :)

Happy already!

Some photos. I won't ruin your pleasant bewilderment with captions.

Oven

I have been hankering for an oven recently, after throwing out my old decrepit one in December along with a whole bunch of other kitchen junk i no longer needed.

It's funny that I haven't felt the need for one till recently when the plethora of good recipes on www.foodgawker.com have made me want to grill and bake again.

So, through an angel who will remain unnamed I got this Moulinex Compact Chef Oven for a very afforable price. Well this is not the exact thing, but it looks something like this.



And now, I realise that I need to get all the peripherals that go with it - cookie sheets, cake pans, muffin pans, stoneware, etc etc...

This is gonna be fun! And just in time too.

Singing in "Indian"

On Page 39 of Thursday's Today newspaper, a very popular, iconic SINGAPOREAN musician was quoted as saying,

"We once did a Chinese song... done as a ballad with Indian instruments and sung in Indian."

Every Indian nerve in my body prickled and stood on end at those last three words. Sung in Indian?

How do people who have lived in a multi-racial society like Singapore, have friends of different ethnicity (one would assume) and have written and performed in all 4 official languages not know that "Indian" is not a language?

I can understand if the person grew up at the bottom of a well, is a SAP school alumni and local university graduate whose only contact with other races is when they are feeling exotic and want to eat prata. But this person is a much respected cultural icon, who honestly should know better.

So, to clear it up, here is the low-down:

Indian is a nationality.
A Hindu is person who practises Hinduism, a religion.
Hindi is a language.
The Indian language that is also our official language is Tamil.
Tamil is spoken by 90% of Singaporeans of Indian descent.
Tamils are not classified by how "fair" or "dark" they are, but where their forefathers came from (Tamil Nadu and some parts of Kerala and Sri Lanka)

And for the record, we are not amused when you imitate our language and ask non-enligtened questions like "Wah, you perm your hair ah?"

It is as impossible to sing in Indian, as it is to order food in Malaysian or speak in Singaporean.

To the respected musician in question, I really do hope that you were misquoted. It is unforgivable for a person such as yourself, who borrows freely from our vast cultural heritage to make such an ignorant comment.

Vignettes

Its been exactly 2 months since a certain someone got on a plane and left for the shores that welcomed the teeming masses. In a lot of ways, i guess its wierd not having him around. But in even more, it is actually quite good. No more arguments for the sake of arguments. And going home is a lot more plesant.

***

In 8 days, I will cross an important threshold and go into my late thirties. Ugh. That's a whole other checkbox on most survey forms. On the up side, I am more stable emotionally, secure financially and mature spiritually then I have ever been.

***

What do chocolate cake, baked rice, roast chicken and sugar cookies have in common?

They all need an oven to be prepared. And I don't have one. For some reason they cost an arm and a leg and the there aren't that many second hand ones for sale.
I need an oven. It will make me feel fulfilled as a woman in her late thirties. Well, maybe not. But that's my story and I am sticking with it.

***

Why do I sign myself up for stuff I don't have time to do? I just sorta kinda volunteered to be pretty heavily involved the production of the combined service. It started off with an innocuous idea which grew till I realised, wait, I am signing up for more work here.

But I guess I didn't really want to say no. Not to this anyway.

The Worship Concert

There are few things that I rather do on a Friday than relax with some people who are near and dear to my heart, listen to really good music, have a good conversation that brings me joy, comfort and food for thought.

Thankfully that is exactly what I got to do last night at church, during The Worship Concert, a worship event that seemed like a microcosm of the worship experience at Hillsong Conference last year.

With excellent musicians and singers from FGA Singapore, FGA KL and Every Nation Church Singapore leading the way, it was all I could do not to break out into a full-fledged dance routine.

Of course what took it one step higher was that it was all in praise of awesome God, but still, there is little that could have detracted from the fact that everyone brought their best.

The auditorium was packed full and slightly warmer than it should have been (that could have been just me, though), but the sound of every voice raised in song, hands raised in worship was phenomenal.

I could have done that all night.

An ex-churchmate once said, "Sometime we worship, sometimes we just sing songs." I thought of that last night. People outside of a church environment will probably see it as a bunch of people, who know all the words, singing songs to their God, with additional dramatics like raised hands, clenched fists and hypnotic swaying thrown in.

Which is why we can never explain what it feels like to worship God and know that you are heard, and loved and responded to. Its like trying to explain the thrill of your first kiss, or how it feels to suckle a baby, or how just hanging out with your beloved is like to someone who has never had those experiences.

And therein lies the conundrum of worship. It's awesome, its healing, its freeing, its uplifting. But it can't be explained. It has to be experienced.

I am glad for the experience.

Yum Yum Tex-Mex

The last time I had really good Tex-Mex food in our fair city was probably 15 years ago when the Westin had a beautiful restaurant called the .. the name eludes me at the moment, but still.

El patio had all the quality of food and ambience without the pretentiousness. In fact if you were looking for it from Lorong Mambbong, it might be easy to miss next to the garish, overdone pseudo-Mexican facade of its next door neighbour/ competitor. But El Patio is for people looking for Mexican food, not the "experience", the way the local kopitiam is for people who want coffee and not a "caffeine experience."

We ordered the prawn quesadillas and the mixed combo fajitas, our inner carnivore knowing it craved meat, but not which kind. We were not disappointed. Tender, flavourful slices of lamb, chicken, beef and *gasp* prawns were beautifully carmelised and served with warm tortillas. The prawn quesadillas were crisp, stuffed full of prawns and highly satisfying. I was so glad that they weren't oozing sour cream and guacamole like in some places.

All of this was complimented by tortilla chips, freshly made guacamole (they make is 5.30pm everyday, apparently) and salsa. Add a couple of jam jars of frozen magarita with the strongest kick o tequila I ave ever had, and we were all laughing.

The service was impeccable. Polite, coherant and well-informed staff made the experience even more fulfilling.

El patio is for real tex-mex food lovers. It's the real deal. And of course all the eye candy in the surrounding vicinity doesn't hurt either :)

God of Time

Studying Daniel Chapter 9 with my life group yesterday, I was just wowed by how amazing God is. That He, being beyond time, can create a way to measure time so accurately that we, as mere created beings, can not only understand his purpose, but can compute exactly when he is going to carry it out - to the day.

In the 490 years predicted in Daniel, I was thrilled to find out his provision for the "Church Age", the period of time where as his people, we have the privilege to live under his promises and blessings till the final kingdom comes! That during Daniel's day, nay, at creation, God already made a plan to keep us on his mind!

How astounding! I am humbled and thankful to such an amazing God.

God is the Master of Time. And he is able to stretch it and compress it if He wants to. But he keeps it nice and consistent for us to order our lives by. I will never feel like wasting time again.

Mother's Day

Flowers.

Roast lamb dinner.

Friends.

Sweet baby.


Mother's Day has always been a very bittersweet occasion for me. But this one was good. Thanks all.

Not a movie review - Star Trek

My church friend K and I made a date one year ago to watch Star Trek the first day it came out. And yesterday, our year-long anticipation and excitement finally paid off. And it was so worth it all.

I have been thinking about reviewing the movie all day, but you know what, I can't. I am too much of a fan for cold clinical deconstruction of the script, performance and direction of what is touted as the most enduring sci-fi franchise ever.

I loved it. All of it.The way the scriptwriter basically wrote into the script that this is an alternate reality and from here, anything can happen and we don't have to hold on to the former storylines. And yet, despite the license, there were so many endearing familiarities, so many inside jokes, so much that adheres not just to the movies and the original series, but the books too. That was really commendable and we fans enjoy that.

Whether you are a trekker or a trekkie (yes, there IS a difference) or completely new to this, you can't help but be blown away by the sensitive moments in the movie. Chris Pine plays a picture-perfect Kirk, maverick and master of the ship, lost boy and lord of the manor, lusty lover and loyal friend.

And Zachary Quinto did a fabulous portrayal of the stoic, logical Spock. I for one, am glad that in this movie, they let his human side surface a little more. Some inter-racial relatonship never hurt, and why should Kirk have all the fun?

Chekov was so sweet, Sulu hilarious, Uhura just too beautiful for her own good, and Scotty.. good ol' Scotty. And Bones looked like a 50s matinee star... The casting was so spot on, that I couldn't help noticing that Nimoy and Quinto had the same nose! Whether prosthetics or real, the fact that the effort was made makes at least this Star Trek fan very very happy.

I will probably see it again. And again. And again. And it will be good. And it will be worth it.

You had me at hello

I have recently been noticing how people greet one another when they pick up the phone. It is very telling of the person's personality, their current state of mind, the company they are in. And all this sometimes by the simple "hello".

But before that, a story. I remember when I was about 7 or 8, I first started becoming interested in the phone as a communication tool. Before that it was the domain of adults, who spoke into it, sometimes to people i knew, sometimes to strangers. I didn't even know the number.

But after my parents split up, the phone became all important. It was my connection to my dad. When with dad, it was my link to mum. The numbers 4526473 had great significance and was committed to memory like no other number had been (not even the times table)

I also noticed that my mum answered the phone in a weary, sad tone. The "H" in the hello was heavily exhaled, like a sigh. The tone was low, the volume lower. It sounded as burdened and as tired as she was.I learnt to gauge her actual mood by the next word. An excited "Ah, yes" meant it was a family member, a no-nonsense brusque tone - a call from work. A wordless "Nalinee, it's for you" meant it was my dad. And much later, a high giggle indicated that her then-boyfriend, now-husband was on the line.

Little known to myself, I too started to answer the phone with the world-weary hello. Maybe it was just mindless imitation (probably). Maybe I wanted the sympathy and attention she seemed to get with that tone (possibly). Maybe sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

But it was years later (almost 12 years) when a male caller who would later become my husband called me on it. "Why do you always answer the phone like someone just finished berating you?", he asked. I thought about it. I made a conscious effort to sound more cheerful. I hope it worked.

Today my mother answers the phone with an Australian accent - the insertion of the "i" and the questioning tone which sounds like "Helloi?". Go figure.

Dad, he sounds like he was in the midst of reading the Iliad. In the original Greek.

My brother, always surprised. Btw, he says "Helloi?" too. :)

Hanan - lowers his voice a couple of octaves, tries to sound like a grown man.

R - sounds like an English Lady, going Cooee! Sorry dude, you do and I love you for it.

A - says "Har-low!" True blue Singaporean.

What do I sound like now? Tell me next time you call me ok?

Goodbye Frankie Manning

Frankie Manning, the global ambassador of the Lindy Hop, passed away last week at the grand old age of 94, a few weeks shy of his 95th birthday. A 5 day dance festival was planned to celebrate his birthday and his contribution to the world of American Dance, and allegedly his wish was for the party to go on even if he couldn't make it.

I had the pleasure of watching Mr Manning dance several times in Singapore at various dance events where he was the indisputable guest of honour. Watching him was poetry in motion and if I could move half as gracefully at half the age, that would be a miracle in itself.

Read a fitting eulogy to the man here. And do a swing step in his memory.

Long time, no see

It's been a real long time since my last post, but things have been swimming along rather furiously and its all I can do to keep my head above water.

Still, thank God for busy periods, especially during this time when people are getting laid off left, right and centre. The busier I am, the more likely I will still be employed at the end of this year eh?

Its been eventful with so many things I can't share here. But I can share this: My mum just had the most rip-roaring 60th birthday this weekend. We had it at the SAF chalets in Changi and more than 50 people came. The food was awesome, the company great and people we haven't seen in a long time showed up so it was quite cool.

My cousin Shal and I made my mother this poster as a keepsake for people to sign on. I thought she will like it it. I didn't expect her to cry.


She had her dance with her husband, which she wanted very much, and really liked her diabetic friendly cupcakes, so I think she was happy.

Me, I was just freaking out at every little thing that didn't go exactly according to plan. Like I always do. :)

Servicing Water

How exactly does one service water? By providing a crystal decanter?
Or perhaps by releasing it back into the rainforest where is belongs?
Or maybe it will not be called servicing unless it was done effectively?

The mind boggles.

Good Friday

This is an open invitation to anyone who reads my blog. We have a really good musical segment planned and I think it will be an awesome experience.

Secondary School Reunions

There is a secondary school reunion coming up and I am a bit nervous about going. I haven't seen these people since 1989, when we graduated and from the email exchanges that we have had, I am not sure its a good idea.

OK, that's not entirely true. Some of the girls, I really do want to see. It sounds like they have grown and evolved while pretty much staying the same (if you know what I mean).

But the guys, I don't know. The conversations over email have not been so promising.... and some of them were pretty nasty, even back then.

So, should I go?

Being ill is scary

I am usually in such good health that when I do fall sick, it really frightens me.

I have been nursing a sore throat and cough for about a week now, but on Friday, my throat to swell up. I looked like a bullfrog, which is not good since I seem to be running into a second chin anyway. It was painful to talk, eat, or even swallow saliva. I don't mind the not eating, but how was I going to survive without talking?! :)

So in a mindless panic, I went to see a doctor, who prescribed a dose of antibiotics. The swelling is gone down, but man, it sure does still hurt. However, I think the worse is over and I am going to live.

Which I why I think healing is probably the most under-rated of God's miracles. People were impressed by Jesus raising the dead, but he healed more people that He brought back to life. And he continues to heal.

SO my healing is in there somewhere as well. And I am glad for it.

Theatre Review - Kumar, Stripped bare and standing up

It's been two years since Kumar's last show (proper show, not his weekly stints at some dive), and I was pumped. My friend has bought tickets the minute they went on sale and we had been talking about it ad nauseum. And as expected, Kumar did not fail us.

From the time he walked on through the audience to the simple curtain call, we were in stitches - enthralled, enamoured and entertained. Nothing was reverent - politics, race relations, gender preference, sexuality, family, friends.... if it had a punchline, Kumar delivered it. His impeccable comic timing coupled with the dramatic hand gestures drove home every joke, every point, every poignant moment. And Kumar can do more with a raised eyebrow than Dawyne Johnson ever could.

But like every Kumar performance I ever attended, his monologue had its share of pathos. The intimate details of his childhood, upbringing, passions and desires were juxtaposed against the backdrop of loneliness, fear, doubt and the longing for acceptance.

Ever the consummate performer, Kumar weaves the sadness into his mayhem, playing it down, making it palatable to an audience who are there, primarily, to laugh.

My personal little moment came when I was heading home after the show. We had gone for a drink (or 4) at pump room and I declined a ride home from my friends and was heading in the opposite direction towards the taxi stand. And suddenly a vision in bright orange togs and heavy stage make up appears before me. It was the man of the hour himself. Emboldened by the mojitos and a genuine desire to meet him, I walked up to him.

N: Hi, Kumar!

K: (looked startled and ready to flee)

N: I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your show at the Esplanade tonight (stretch out my hand)

K: (Looks a little releived and takes it) Oh, thank you so much!

N: No, Thank YOU so much. It was brilliant!

Kumar bows a little, with hands in namaste position. I walk on, hoping that i don't fall in with the vast number of "biggest fans" that he is accosted by, probably on a daily basis.

Cos I don't want to be just another fan.

Congratulations to Mr Miyagi on a brilliant job with the script. I am sure Kumar ad libbed like crazy, but I could tell that the material was well-researched and well put. Oh and thanks for the addition of Chinese jokes, we minorities appreciate it. lol

Honour your parents?

It's been a long time since my parents agreed on anything. Even after the divorce, they seemed to pride themselves on their dichotomy of views, whether in reality, or just in principle.

I often remember either my dad or my mum going out of their way to make sure the views they represent are as opposite as they can possibly get to what they thought the other might present.

So when both of them, recently, expressed the same view about the unexplained sore on my leg, I got a bit worried.

"Go see a doctor! Get a blood sugar test done! Your family history of diabetes is very strong!"

Almost word for word, their reaction was the same. And of course, they wouldn't be good Indian parents if they didn't end with the ubiquitous guilt trip.

"As a parent, i can only advise you. If you don't listen, there is nothing I can do. I just hope it won't be too late."

My day, being my dad, and heaps more prone to exaggeration and melodrama than I am, had to add his unique spin, telling me uplifting anecdotes of how he knows people to lost their limbs to gangrene etc etc.

Needless to say, I went to the doctor the next day and had a blood sugar test done.
Not because I had any real fear, but because of the rarity of my parents agreeing on anything.

Now THAT is surely a sign, no? The chance of it happening is one in a million.

Hanan in America - a blurry photo journey

3 months after the fact, I am finally getting around to some of the wierd pics of Hanan that he took while on holiday in the States. These will give you insight into the boy's soul rather than tell you anything about his trip.

He is kinda special, this kid.



I love this shot. I think it reflects alot about his personality. And that he looks so cute, of course.



Introduced to the joys of a bathrobe for the first time, Hanan immediately grasps the jedi role-play possibilities.



Ah, the classic orange slice in the mouth smile. Which of us didn't at least attempt this as a child?



Why is it that boys can't wait to grow a beard, and men shave everyday to get rid of one? And I want to stress that bubble beards come off much easier than bristly hair ones.



Hello, Grandpa! I ask you, what do you do with that expression?



This is a picture of Hanan speaking to me early Christmas morning. Note the umkempt afro. Note the delicious sleepy face. Note the slightly confused look in the eyes. (Wait, its Christmas evening for you and i just woke up?)

I love this kid.

God's Fairweather Friend

During lifegroup yesterday, it dawned on me that I am God's fairweather friend. I am happy to praise him, and pray and spend time reading my Bible when things are going well. But when I am faced with challenges, much like the many that exist right now, I tend to want to depend on my own wits to solve the problems.

It makes me wonder though. Isn't it suppose to be the other way around? People generally get own with their merry lives and tend to call on the Divine only when they need help.

To quote the inimitable Mervin P, am I retarded?

The days are just packed

My apologies to Bill Watterson, but really isn't a more apt way to describe the weekend that just went by. It's been a long time since I cramped so much into a 48-hour time period and I am really glad I did.

The Sentosa picnic on Saturday was just awesome! I love it when my new friends and old friends get along and get together and do stuff! We played frisbee, water frisbee, volleyball, took long walks, ate all the yummy food A prepared, got wet in the rain, luged and ate till "sakit sa babuy" .Thanks to Al. for teaching me that Tagalog phrase, it exactly describes what we did and how we felt. I am really thankful for the time spent with R. just talking, connecting and sharing.

Dinner at The Handle Bar was pretty darn fabulous too. All that chicken and ribs, we made short work off. And the dinner conversation again, so both deep, and inane, which happens. I generally find that when I am around, things move rather quickly from "the sublime to the ridiculous". And it seldom takes more than a step.

It was a perfect end to a perfect day.

Sunday, we had our combined service. It really is cool to see the entire church - English, Chinese and Filipino services all together. From the first worship song on, I was in tears. And just when I stopped, Aunty J came on to sing, and I just lost it again. God's spirit was in the the HOUSE! It really made me think about how much power the Church has when it puts all its talents together and submits its will to the Father's.

As Pastor Klein said, we were always meant to be a powerhouse, but we have been duped into letting our identity get stolen. Wow! That was such a word of truth. I hope that the awareness of that leads many of us to take back all that we were meant to be.

M & J's baby shower was next, at Ben & Jerry's no less. The ice cream was great, the childbirth stories alternating between terrifying and awe-inspiring. H had a ball, three scoops of ice cream, vanilla scented bubble makers and PSP game exchange notwithstanding. Me, I was just happy to be around all the haps people in my church. Soaking it in, wallowing in it and making it last.

Thanks all you lovely people who made this weekend so wonderful! I can't tell you how much you are loved!

Funny truths about life in small small Singapore....

One of my colleagues sent this to me via email today. It struck a chord. I wonder what the 1000s of foreigners living here think of us and our unique form of self and civil governance?

1. Nite - Sleep with air-con; Day - Bathe with heater on

2. Day - Cannot Wake up; Nite - Cannot Sleep

3. Cigarettes - Convenient to buy; not convenient to smoke

4. Chewing Gum - Can Chew, Cannot buy?? (Restricted to buying)

5. Smell Of rubbish besides letterboxes; Rubbish inside Letterbox

6. Private Cars - Cheaper & Cheaper to Buy, harder & harder to maintain

7. Education - Teachers teaching Less but expects students to learn More

8. High-tech barbaric singaporeans - know how to use state-of-the art equipment, but dunno how to use a simple dustbin or a toilet

9. There are quite a number of rich/poor in spore - They have Car, Credit Card, CPF .... but no Cash and lots of loans

10. Translation is needed between Singaporean Chinese and Mainland Chinese

11. Sporean never like to vote, but like to complain

12. Half Sporeans rushed to buy Hello kitty, but the other half busy killing stray cats

Random Post

I am really happy with the way things are going with the two of you. Not that I am hoping that something will happen. But if something does, then yey!

The highlight of my week has been planning for Good Friday service. I am pumped about producing it - not the work, maybe, but the excitement of it. Sometimes, I really feel like I am in the wrong job. The theatre beckons.

Kaya toast yesterday was a wonderful treat. It was such a simple thing, but it added to the wholeness of my day. Anyone know what I mean?

Have resolved to talk to people at church who are not like me.

I really think curly hair makes me feel more mischievous.

Everytime I watch him talk about something he is really impassioned about, I just melt a little by the fire issuing from his eyes. Everytime I think about how close we are, and yet how far apart, I die a little inside.

Haven't had chocolate today. But it is early yet.

10

It had been 10 years yesterday.
It went by unacknowledged by either of us.
I have nothing to show for it, except the one precious arrow in my quiver.

When I was young, I pictured this day being very different. Surrounded by our 4 (or more) kids, celebrated with our friends and family, before going off on a romantic weekend away, just the two of us.

My friends tell me I am brave, I am strong, I am sensible and responsible.
I am none of those things.
Just hopeful.

What went wrong?
Nothing and everything.
It was noone's fault. You can't fault where there is no effort.

Or may be it was mine.
If only I had been more -->insert adjective here<--

I am not sure if there will be a 11. But I know that whatever happens, my Father already knows what my days hold.

What a show!

What a wonderful show the Academy put up this year! The Oscars, always one of my favorite award shows blew me away, and there a quite a few reasons for this.

Hugh Jackman
1) Hugh Jackman hosting. What a guy eh? He is beyond a triple threat. That opening was amazing! And of course, it helps that he is so easy on the eyes. I am sure he was as nervous as anything, but he was so relaxed and confident. I thought he did a great job!

Screenplay
2)I think the way they presented the screenplay awards was fantastic. To introduce the presenters by way of script and then have the script superimposed on the scenes, really helped you see the process.

Acting Awards
3) I love the way they got past winners to present the acting awards. It really made it personal and touching and sweet. Rather than see a clip that is usually unrepresentative of the actor's real skills, it makes so much more sense to be lauded by your coleagues who have been where you are. I thought it a shame that the actors in Best Supporting Actors all knew they didn't have a chance against the Ledger legacy though.

Brown in even more the new black
4) The touch of Bollywood that Slumdog Millionaire brought to this year's show added the much-needed spice to a show that was becoming predictable and staid. Having all those colourful dancers, drummers and singers was really a spectacular way to present the music awards. And the fact A R Rahman won them both is the icing on the cake. His work in cinematic music deserves the recognition it received, although that song, by no means, is his best work. But still, go Tamilan!

The Clothes
5)I love watching all the beautiful clothes that the stars wear and how some of those dresses defy gravity and stay where they are supposed to stay. I also wondered why Penelope Cruz always wears a bridal gown, like she is going to be married right after the award ceremony. I loved Jennifer Aniston's dress, and Taraji Henson's, Angelina's green earrings.

Kudos to the people who produced this year's show. It was imaginative, creative, original and thoroughly enjoyable. Ignore all the nay-sayers and critical snobs - they are just seething because there was nothing worse condemning and they live to condemn.

Better than Silver and Gold

I have the best friends, no question.

I was majorly bummed out by what happened with work on Friday, or rather what had been happening for the last 8 months, and really didn't feel like seeing anyone or being social. I decided to throw myself a pity party, invited all the relevant people (i.e me, myself and I) and locked myself in my rooom, wallowing.

Didn't go to church. Didn't feel like performing for others when my heart was so heavy. Also the headache that started on Friday night was still lurking in my cranium and I was feeling cranky.

Then came a message. Where are you?

Then came two. Come have dinner with us.

Then three. We'll come to you. Just come out and hang.

I turned them all down. It was my party and I'll cry if I want to.

At about 9, I emerged. Tired of my own company, sick of the self-imposed confinement, guilty at abandoning my child for my own selfish gain.

Then they called. We are downstairs. Can we come up?

4 words that make me tear up just recounting them here. They drove all the way to the boondocks just to see someone, who may not even want them there, because they loved her and they cared. 2 young, single people, who could have done so many other things with their Saturday night.

And brought Ben & Jerry's ice cream - the elixit to get rid of all headaches and heartaches. We didn't do anything life-changing - just small talk, watched "The Nanny" and .... let me heal. I take it back - it was life-changing. It touched mine.

Thanks J and A. Your friendship is more precious than silver and gold. And I will treasure it forever.

Glad

Glad that chapter of my life is over and now we can move on. Of course, it's going to take some time to repair the damage left behind, but I think in about 6 months to a year, I can put most of it behind me.

Meanwhile, there are new and exciting projects to look forward.

Like the upcoming charity event.

And the new ideas for a junior series.

And of course the whole idea of managing the workload of 3 people in one fell swoop, while still overlooking what the rest are doing.

It's only just begun.

Ho Ender!

In local patois, I'm happy like a bird.

I finally got my hands on "Ender in exile", Orson Scott Card's latest offering in the Ender series.

Woo hoo!!

I am going to devote my nights and weekends to reading and re-reading this book. I am only at page 65 and have already teared up twice.

For those of you who have never heard of Orson Scott Card or the Ender series, wa lau eh. Why are we still friends?

Bulletin Post

I have decided that on the days I am too lazy to write meandering sentences that wend their way through my subconscious, I will do bulletin posts which basically gives you a quick update of what I am up to. Like a bulletin.

Current Mood: melancoly

Work: Busy like you won't beleive :)

Home: Same old same old

Currently reading: Ender in Exile (Woohoo!! Finally!)

Listening to: Been in a Don McLean kinda mood

Current physical hangup: ingrown toenail on right big toe

Would rather be: sitting at Starbucks, reading

Random things in February

I really like the "Swagga like us" song. It's got a really catchy hook. I went to check out the original "paper planes" and its got a really horrible message, but I think Kanye did something really cool with it.

**

I am currently reading a book called "Good in Bed". No, it's not a manual. Its actually a really good book about a woman who finds out that her boyfriend write in a national publication about the courage it takes to love a larger woman. I.e her.
The book resonated with me somehow, having been a larger woman all my life.
I remember when I was 18 (at my fittest), I was talking to a bunch of friends about some event, and someone said, "It's ain't over till the fat lady sings." And a really dear friend (he still is) turned to me and said, "Nalinee, sing!" And I think it hurt all the more because I never saw myself as fat, just taller and broader and stronger than the other women I know. That's when I first realised, that I can either be comfortable with myself or spend my life wanted to look a different way.

It's taken about 15 years, but I think I finally am there.

**

After being so sure of what I want, I am unsure again. It could just be a hormonal thing. And also it's coupled with other feelings of inadequacy and failure. But I just need to lean in to Him a bit more. It's usually when we start struggling that we need more support, yes?

**

Think I need to get my priorities lined up. I feel like I am spending too much time on non-proftable pursuits and have lost sight of my vision for this year. And its only February!!!

V Day Frenzy

One is looking online for roses.

Another asked me to help him choose lingerie for his wife.

Yet another is swooning in anticipation at what her boyfriend is planning.

And you don't bring me flowers anymore.

Movie Review - Elegy

I had to look up the meaning of elegy, I am not ashamed to admit.

Elegy - poem of mourning; lament for the dead; reflection of something strange or mysterious to the writer.

Given that the movie was based on Philip Roth's "The Dying Animal", it was strange to me that Isabel Coixet would adopt the name Elegy for the film.

But it was. It haunted me for days, this film. Took over my dream life for a while even. It was truly a tale of lament, of how we mourn loss, even when we cause it. And it defies understanding.

Quick Synopsis - David Kapesh was a successful writer/ college professor who is mesmerised by Consuela Castillo, whose relationship with him suddenly renders him insecure, jealous and unsure of what he wants from the relationship. He is plagued by the age difference, her perfect beauty and his fear that she will soon leave him. When she does leave him, he is shattered by her absence.

Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz were so believable as a older man- younger woman couple that it almost made me cry. I read so many reviews that talked about how they had no chemistry etc, but that just tells me that they don't have the personal experience. I do, and that's exactly what it's like. There is a degree of aloofness that comes from sheer disbelief that this beautiful, young woman/ mature desirable man chose you and is actually with you. I can't quite explain it, but it does happen.

My favourite scenes though, were not between David and Consuela, but rather David and his best friend George O'Hearn (Dennis Hopper). George is David's long suffering companion, "the Horatio to his third-rate Hamlet", as he so aptly put it. The friendship between the two men, the equality of their intellect, their subtle trust and dependency on each other, and mostly their ability to reveal their innermost fears and weakness to each other struck a chord with me. Seldom do you hear of men sharing that level of intimacy with each other.

The performances of the other characters were brillant, adding the needed layers to the Kingsley character. Patricia Clarkson was amazing as his booty call (or was he hers?), and Peter Sarsgaard as Kapesh's son who had his own demons was a pathetic character you just want to either hug or slap. But brillantly played.

I truly enjoyed this movie, it resonated with me in a way it won't for many. But having had the expeience at least twice in my life, I think Elegy is a true portrayal of the relationships that people feel most vulnerable in.

First Meeting

One of the things that I really enjoy(ed) about my job is the projects that I get involved in for the various departments. I am one of those wierd people who actually enjoy meetings - watching the human interaction, contributing ideas, and generally basking in the creativity that takes place.

Which is why I handled being left out of the loop by my previous boss really badly. Not only did she take me out of the projects and meetings I was involved in, she also did not include me in the new projects, delegating them to the her friends and people she hired.

That really sucked.

Now that she is gone, and they are leaving, I am really looking forward to being part of event planning for the Club and attending meetings again. I really get off on the human-ness of meetings. Sure, I do bellyache about it with everyone else, but secretly, I love it!

Is that strange?

Of course, its even better being involved in meetings in church. Programming meetings are really fun, with all the wacky ideas from the even wackier people flying around. And I can't wait to start my own drama ministry meetings. Ooh, those are gonna be outta this world!

I'm pumped!

Movie Review - The Changeling

What would I do if I came home from work one day and Hanan was missing? And 5 months later, the police brought me a boy who looked like but distinctly was NOT Hanan. And told me that I was to accept him because I am obviously traumatised and can't recognise my own child?

This was the preposterous situation experienced by Christine Collins (played dismally by Angelina 'I'm too cool to be distraught" Jolie), who had to deal with the grief of losing her only child, being accused as a irresponsible mother by the authorities and eventually thrown into the lunatic asylum for daring to oppose the ultimate authority of the state.

A lot of this movie, I really enjoyed. I loved the noir-ish treatment that Eastwood gave it, befitting the period as well as the terrifying and sobering storyline. The familiarity of the noir elements like the shadow of blinds across the faces, the stark interrogation room, and the symbolism of burning cigarettes and torrential rain at key moments of the film kept it a movie, allowing me to remove my emotions, which only surfaced when I remembered,"Oh hell, this is a true story."

I also really enjoyed Eastwood's cinematic narrative style, his variance of scene lengths and camera angles was a pleasure to watch, after the recent penchant by newer movie makers for shaky cameras and extreme closeups, which can be nauseating.

It pleased me that for once, the church was accurately presented as a force of righteousness and justice in a dark world. John Malkovich (ironically) plays the fearless and vocal Man of God who is not afraid to come against that powers that be for what he believes is right. I like.

So, other than the terrifying fact that this actually happened to someone, and that Angelina's posturing ruined the movie for me, this was quite watchable.

Heh.

Lunch with women

I have had male lunch kakis for such a long time now, that it really felt strange eating with some of the ladies from the main office today.

We did the usual things - order, get cutlery and water, find a spot and wait for food. But there was a marked difference and it took me a while to realise what it was.

Women, sometimes, just cannot stop talking!!

Every pause must be filled. Every unasked question must be asked. Every curiousity fulfilled. Every point confirmed and re-confirmed. It did not stop even after our food arrived and we were busy eating.

And it made me think - am I like that?

Do my male colleagues roll their eyes in exasperation when I start in on them? Do I start in on them?

Ugh. I hope not.

In line at HDB

I made my monthly pilgrimage to HDB Area Office today, to pay them a part of the thousands of dollars I owe and will owe them, probably till the day I die. I was 12th in line (I always count how many people are ahead of me in a line, don't you?), when this older lady entered the office.

"Pay cash, must queue ah?", she asked, to the general public. As we all fought each other not to answer, she repeated her question, this time a little louder. Finally some guy took pity on her and replied, "Yes, I think so".

Happily, she takes her place in the line (No. 15) and then, confronts a new problem. She sees that some people have a queue number for counter services in hand. While standing in the cash payment queue. This confuses her.

"Pay cash, must take number ah?", she asks the air. Again, greeted by stony silence. After a few more times, one of them deigns to reply - wrongly.

"Yes, must take." Me - !!!

"No, pay cash no need," I reply. "Just queue." She thanks me and then proceeds to recount her confusion to me, starting from her first entrance into the office. I listen politely, making minimal eye contact.

Then, the lady behind me starts. "So this is the pay cash queue huh? So what, if I had an appointment? I have a letter, do I still stand here?"

Finally, I lose my patience. "Sorry, I don't work here," I said, trying to keep my voice even. "I only know what I am doing, which is making a cash payment. And here is where I do it. Any other questions, you have to ask the staff."

(Which, when I am being more bitchy, would have come out as 'Do I look like I work here!?!)

The lady looks affronted and leaves the queue to ask the staff, telling me !) to hold her place in case she has to come back. She doesn't.

25 minutes, it's my turn. I go to the counter, pay them, and leave.

Never has standing in line amused, befuddled and annoyed me so much. My resolve to be nicer is shot to pieces. (Sorry A and J, I have failed)

Epiphany

It was eating away at my soul, these things that were happening at work.

And then, during worship on Saturday, I realised what was going on.

It all started when i said yes to leading the drama ministry in church. It is the enemy's way of trying to undermine my confidence to do it. What sealed it was the accusation of incompetency, which made me want to call R immediately and tell him I won't do it.

So it wasn't about the people at work, or even people at home. The whole thing was just a manifestation of what was hapeening in a spiritual relam. But I am hip to your game now, you devil you. I see what you are doing, and how you are using innocent poeple to do it. And you are not going to succeed.

As is teaches in Daniel, you cannot take the holy things of God and use them for unholy causes. Not without serious repercussions.

You have lost. Get used to it.

Chin comes to visit

Yeo Chin Yee, my goondu friend from CJ, changed her name, her place of residence and her hairstyle and I now only see her once a year, if that.

She is home for Chinese New Year and yesterday, we got together with a few other goondu friends for dinner, dessert and a lot of laughs and talking.

We decided to take her to Dempsey, because its the most non-Singapore place in Singapore right now. And they have a Ben and Jerry's, which for most of us, is reason enough.



But first, dinner at Dome. We wanted somewhere quiet, relatively cheap and quiet.



Here she is, studying the menu. She used to have the same expression her face when we were 18 and studying for exams.



And here are Chin and Craig, her lovely husband, clowning for the camera.



And here is everyone. From left, Sinclair Ang, Rhordan Wicks, Me, Chin, Craig.
Missing from picture, but supposed to be there: Joel and Kok Hong. We missed you guys!!!

Seeking Approval

I am not used to being hated.

Really, it doesn't happen to me very often. Most of the time, I am quite easy to get along with. I tend to like people in general and I think most of the time, they return the favour.

There are times when I get into High D mode, when I can be assertive, all business, no sense of humour and hard-nosed. And I do tend to rub people the wrong way when that happens. But once that season passes, I either meet up with them to apologise or find ways to make amends.
And most of the time, that works out well also.

So this situation now is strange for me. It's not pleasant, but at the same time, I am intrigued.

Someone once said that I was a person who constantly needed approval. Meaning, I need to feel like everyone loved me and couldnt handle it if people did not love me on sight.

But now that I am in my 30s, and a bit more comfortable in my own skin, I think I am ok with not being approved by everyone.

In fact, there are probably people out there whose approval I rather not have.

There is only one approval that matters, really, and He loves me, no matter what. And He is working on making me a better person everyday.

I just have to deal with the petty insecurities and remind myself that I am a work in progress.

Up or down?

This has been a really strange day, full of ups and downs, never a dull moment.

Got some really bad news, some moderately bad news and some good-depending-on-how-you-look-at-it news.

It's wierd.

I am still kinda high on the Obama inauguration although it has very little or nothing to do with me.

I am even more sure now that the decision I have re: my primary relationship is the right one.

I need to school my son on honesty and integrity.

More exits from my place of work and my feelings are mixed on how to handle it.

Sigh. I want this day to be over.

Brilliant ad series

My boss sent us these ads today and I think they are brilliant!

And so so so true.

:: flagrante delicia | leonor de sousa bastos' desserts ::: Mamma mia

:: flagrante delicia | leonor de sousa bastos' desserts ::: Mamma mia

This is what I'M talking about.




Chocolate tagliatelle with chocolate sauce. This is why a body like J.Lo's will always remain a dream for me.

Click here for the recipe. Leonor, I don't know you, but I want to have your babies.

A week of 2009

It is the end of the first full week of 2009 and I already can see what my year is going to be like.

1) Hanan
The boy is in Primary 4, which is a streaming year. Which for you non-parents and non-Singaporeans translates to "We are going to, in a matter of 10 hours of testing or less, determine if your child is smart enough to be worth our investing educational resources into- to shape him into a mindless drone who may not be able to find true love, buy a house or get a job; or if he is going to be one of the proletarian semi-skilled workers, who will forever feel inadequate, dumb and looked down upon." *deep breath here*

I think my evenings are for the most part going to be engaged doing school work with my child, and basically making our time together one of work and more work.

Hence, my second point

2) Arts and culture
I want to take a learning journey into the worlds of theatre, music and arts during the weekends. Museum and library visits notwithstanding, I want Hanan and I to grow to be connoiseurs of the arts and culture. Which means a lot more time spent out and about, rather than home and in front of the TV/ Xbox.

3) Drama Ministry
Really want this to take off this year. We have the talents, we have the hearts, and for sure we have the anointing. Just have to figure out how to set it up and keep it going. Not that I know for sure what I am doing. But God does, whew. But I am exciting about starting it, and delving deep into it. I really think it has great potential to be one of the strongest ministries around and the reach is just amazing. I am blathering now,but really, I'm pumped, and I want to go the distance with whatever God gives us for this.

4) Fitness and Food
Having started out with good intentions and some good habits this year, I hope to stay the course and continue. I think I owe it to myself to feel good and look good. For one thing, with all the highs and lows coming my way, I think I am going to need to energy to deal with them eh?

5)Making time for friends
I want to make more time for friends. Small dinner parties and such, now that circumstances permit such gatherings without fear or discomfort. Have had a few old friends come back into my life lately, and some new friendships I want to cultivate.
Now,if I can only stop everyone from going on and on about how far away Woodlands is. It really isn't, y'all!

And there it is. My year to be in summary. And if I feel like it, I might do a year in retrospect as some point.

Error message

Sorry, I wasn't able to establish an matrimonial connection.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addressee.
I'm not going to try again; this message has been in the queue too long.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.


Sometimes, an error message can really say it all. Now you know. It's official.

Movie Review - 7 pounds

I have been trying to write this review for the last 4 days, but it really is a hard thing to do without giving away the ending or the plot.

Nor is it easy to describe the deeply convoluted story in words. So much is conveyed in Will Smith's brillant acting - his sorrowful face, his smile which never reaches his eyes, his hopeless gestures, even the sadness of the one sad suit he wears everywhere. Even more is accomplished by the non-linear technique, which is really art imitating life, for which of us lives one day after another?

Its a powerful story, no doubt. Very few stories about restitution aren't. I think there is something in us all which warms to the idea of a man (or woman) trying to set right the things they have done wrong. ("My name is Earl" had a good run because of this, because the acting and stories were crap.)

However, 7 pounds leaves you without the key ingredient of the restitution story - hope of deliverance. We want the guy who is trying so hard to pay for his sins to come into his own, for someone to say, you have done enough, now its time for your rewards. In 7 pounds, not only does this not happen, you see the futility of it unfolding and watch in mind-numbed dumb horror as Will's character heads towards the inevitable.

And you care. You care that he has taken to road, and you weep with him. You care about the other characters, even those with less than 7 minutes of screen, because of the compelling way they drive the narrative forward.

7 pounds is a heavy movie. It will make you think about God, ethics, morality, imperfect love and mostly justice. And it will make you think about mercy, grace and what true love is about.